Funny Soccer Referee Jokes
Here is Will and Guy's collection of referee jokes, funny stories and amusing picture.
A spectator at a local league match at Bransbury Park, Portsmouth kept up a constant barrage of insults and derogatory remarks directed against the referee.
Finally the referee could stand it no longer. He marched over to the sideline and, looking the noisy spectator squarely in the eye, shouted, 'Look here - I've been watching you for the last twenty minutes .........................'
'I thought so', the spectator retorted loudly, 'I knew you couldn't have been watching the game.'
These errors may make us cringe rather than laugh, perhaps a sign that Will and Guy have seen about a dozen world cups before.
The Ref and the Funeral Procession
In the middle of the game, the soccer referee suddenly blows his whistle to stop play when he sees a long funeral procession on the road that runs alongside the field. He closes his eyes and bows his head in prayer.
'Wow,' said the yellow carded striker. 'That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I've ever seen. You truly are a kind man. I'll never think badly of a referee again.'
The referee replies, 'Thanks lad, we were married nearly 30 years.'
French referee, Joel Quiniou, officiated a record number of eight matches between 1986 and 1994.
Benito Archundia (Mexico) and Horacio Elizondo (Argentina) however managed to officiate five matches in only one tournament, the 2006 FWC in Germany.
Mexican referee, Arturo Brizio Carter, on the other hand holds the record for sending off seven players in the six matches that he officiated in 1994 and 1998.
Funny True Story from Portsmouth, England
A match between two non-League teams took place last winter in the South
of England in the city of Portsmouth. It had been raining heavily all week
and the ground resembled a swamp. [Much of Portsmouth is at sea level or
The visiting captain won the toss and, after a moment's thought, said, 'OK - we'll take the shallow end.'
A football referee walks into the bar after a game and orders a bottle of beer and hands the barman a £20 note. [$30 USD] The barman decides to cheat the referee, so he hands him back a five in change.
The Referee accepts the £5 change, takes his bottle and goes and sits down.
After a while the barman wanders over and starts talking to the referee and says, 'You know, we don't get many refs coming in here after the match.'
'I'm not flipping surprised,' splutters the ref, 'with the beer at £15 a bottle.'
Soccer Referee Fights Back - Football Video Clip
World Cup Referee's Influence
It was the World Cup Final dinner and dance held in the evening, after the final. The festivities were in full swing when three newcomers arrived without tickets. 'It's all right,' said one, 'we're friends of the referee.'
What do you call a Scottish player in the first round of the World Cup?
An Italian football team has been founded by former *Serie A player, Maurizio De Feo. Their claim to fame so far has not been on the football pitch.
The club's founder, coach, secretary, doctor and all 12 sponsors of the "Team De Feo" club, in Serino, southern Italy, have the same name: De Feo. Everyone in the playing squad also has the same name: De Feo. Their home ground can be found on.................wait for it: Raffaele De Feo street in the town.
Will and Guy think that you couldn't make it up. We also wonder if a team named "Jones" might be established in Guy's home country of Wales.
*Italian Football Association Premier Division.
Picture this: you're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till.
Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to push in front of the other shopper.
The Laws of Football
At one point during a football (soccer) match in America, the coach said to one of his young players, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative. ' Do you understand that what matters is how we play together as a team?' The little boy nodded yes.
'So, 'the coach continued, 'When offside is given, or a foul is not seen, you don't argue or swear or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?' Again the little boy nodded.
'Good, 'said the coach, 'Now go over there and explain it to your mother.'
Linesmen (Referees Assistants) Interpreting The Offside Laws
Changes in the Soccer Offside Law
1923 - Offside Changed from 3 players to 2.
1990 - Level is now onside - broadly speaking.
Offside means that any part of his head, body or feet is nearer to his opponents' goal line than both the ball and the second last opponent. Confusingly, the arms are not included in this definition.
Players 'Not actively involved in the play'. During the World Cup at least one Goal will be allowed with a player in an offside position, because he is deemed 'not interfering' with play. Not interfering? If he's not disrupting the opposition, then what's he doing on the pitch?
Referees and the South Africa World Cup 2010
The World Cup is the biggest test a referee will ever face, both professionally and personally Will and Guy think.
The 30 referees taking charge of the 64 games in South Africa have been
selected already a couple of years ago.
The referees at the World Cup will be on their own, unlike the millions of critics on the sidelines and in front of television screens who will savage their performances after viewing replays and slow motion from dozens of TV cameras.
At previous tournaments, fans have issued death threats toward referees who make calls against their teams. Some refs have even quit the game as a result. Once they are at the tournament, referees and their assistants will be swathed in a protective blanket of security. They will be locked away from the world's prying eyes at a luxury hotel and provided with sports psychologists to boost fragile confidence, and with technological tools that allow them to study the strengths, weaknesses and favourite tricks of the teams they will be officiating.
Cheating has become widespread in modern soccer and players are essentially too good at it to be spotted with the naked eye. Players are shown a yellow card for simulation, but often they get away with it, winning penalties and earning a red card for the alleged fouler. Ironically, players tend to escape mass condemnation for their cheating behaviour while the referees are pilloried.
Will and Guy wish all the referees involved in the World Cup finals the best of luck.
If you like this page then please share it with your friends
See more clean football jokes and funny stories: