°

Funny Football Quotes from Players and Managers

Funny Football Quotes from Players and ManagersSoccer qoutes.  Daft thinks players say

The World Cup is truly an international event.  John Motson

A great friend once said, that no jockey ever said anything worth listening to.  After reading these soccer quotes, perhaps the same applies to soccer players.  On the other hand, these quotes do give us a chuckle!

 Sponsored Links
 ∇

Footballers' Quotes As Reported in the British Press

  • 'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country'.  Ian Rush
  • 'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona'.  Mark Draper
  • 'Do you remember when we played in Spain in the Anglo-Italian Cup?'  Shaun Newton
  • 'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win'.  Vinny Jones
  • 'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock'.  Barry Venison
  • 'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7'.  David Beckham
  • 'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet'.  David Beckham
  • 'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league'.  Mark Viduka
  • 'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right'.  Lee Hendrie
  • 'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had'.  David Beckham
  • 'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day'.  Neville Southall
  • 'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today'.  Steve Lomas

I have to say that, for once, American sportsmen interview so much better, it's as if the NFL, Baseball and Basketball players have all been to media school, whereas our soccer players learn and speak their own dialect of English.

Amusing Quotes from Football Managers

Ivor Powell
Ivor a Welshman, who successfully managed Bradford City and Carlisle allegedly uttered these words after a good season on the field, 'Without doubt, one of the secrets of our successful season was the harmonium in the dressing room.'

After a celebratory dinner he was heard to say, 'We had a lovely meal. Lovely. We had a big steak with all the tarnishings.'

Ron Saunders
Big Ron, of Aston Villa and Birmingham fame, when asked about unrest in the dressing room and behind the scenes supposedly replied, 'Allegations are all very well but I would like to know who these alligators are.'

When asked to explain how a 2-0 lead became a 3-2 defeat Saunders uttered the immortal words, 'As I see it, if you're going to commit suicide, you don't do it yourself.'

Dick Duckworth
Dick Duckworth spoke to John Sadler in 1962 to say how pleased he was with Scunthorpe's side. He commented, 'I think I have the best side I've ever had now. We've a nice blend of old 'uns and youngsters. I think I've got the mucus of a good team.'

[all these quotes come from John Sadler, the respected sports journalist's article in the Guardian newspaper 14.08.2007]

Harris's Coaching Law

Harris's Law states that no football, cricket, rugby union or hockey team have won the World Cup under a foreign coach. 

Cathy Harris writes about sport in The Times.

 Φ

Funny Football Howlers From Managers and PlayersFunny Football Quotes

  • It was really difficult for us, playing in the midday sun with that three o'clock kick-off.  David Beckham
  • Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil, than English sides like Wales.  Ron Greenwood, former England Manager
  • I'd be surprised if all 22 players are on the field at the end of the game - one's already been sent off.  Jimmy Greaves
  • I don't read the papers, I don't gamble, I don't even know what day it is!  Steve Mclaren
  • It's headed away by John Clark, using his head. Derek Rae, Commentator
  • I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different.  Kevin Keegan
  • Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.  John Greig, Football Analyst
  • That was only a yard away from being an inch-perfect pass. Murdo Macleod.
  • Hearts are now playing with a five-man back four.  Alan McInally
  • Solskjaer never misses the target. That time he hit the post.  Peter Scmeichel
  • He's got a knock on his shin there, just above the knee.  Frank Stapleton
  • If you are in the six-yard box, standing in an offside position, then you are offside.  Steve Bruce

Bill ShanklySome people believe football is a matter of life and death

Bill Shankly, the late, legendary Liverpool FC manager reputedly said, 'Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I'm very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.' It appears that this Italian fan thinks much the same:

An Italian football fan has started putting up a grave every time his team loses a major match. Inter Milan fan, Massimo Pecorino, 52, has so far erected more than 20 gravestones on a local mountainside. He says grave mistakes can only be marked by a grave where he buries his hopes and dreams, near his home town of Cortona.

Pecorino said, 'Instead of enjoying a celebration I felt like I was at a funeral, so I spent the day carving out my fury on a stone.'

Another Selection of Funny Football Quotes

  • 'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well'. Alan Shearer
  • 'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we' re knocked out'. Peter Shilton
  • 'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing'. Ade Akinbiyi
  • 'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match'. Ian Wright
  • 'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier'. Ugo Ehiogu
  • 'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough'. Jonathan Woodgate
  • 'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel'. Stuart Pearce
  • 'The Brazilians were South American, the Ukrainians will be more European'. Phil Neville
  • 'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed'. Mitchell Thomas
  • 'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best'. Alan Shearer
  • 'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd'. Johnny Giles
  • 'Sometimes in football you have to score goals'. Thierry Henry.
  • 'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football'. Les Ferdinand.
  • 'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked'. Richard Rufus.
  • 'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between'. Gary Lineker.
  • 'If you don't concede any goals you'll win more games than you lose'. Wayne Bridge.
  • See funny Christmas quotes
¤¤

Football Team Struck by Lightning

In October 1998 all 11 members of a football team were apparently killed by a bolt of lightning which left the other team unhurt, according to a Congolese newspaper.

Kinshasa daily newspaper "L'Avenir" said local opinion - known to believe in charms and spells - was divided over whether someone had cursed the team. The two sides were drawing 1-1 in the match in eastern Kasai Province when the lightning struck the visiting team.
'The athletes from [the home team] Basanga curiously came out of this catastrophe unscathed,' the paper reported.  Thirty other people received burns at the match in the Democratic Republic of Congo.

Will and Guy can find no official confirmation for the veracity of this report.  See more lightning strikes.

Stupid Football Remarks

And now an International Soccer Special, Manchester United v Southampton.
David Coleman

Real possession football, this.  And Zico's lost it.
John Helm

52,000 people here at Maine Road tonight, but my goodness me, it seems like 50,000.
Byron Butler

I think Charlie George was one of Arsenal's all time great players. A lot of people might not agree with that, but I personally do.
Jimmy Greaves

That goal surprised most people, least of all myself.
Garth Crooks

Nottingham Forest are having a bad run, they've lost six matches in a row now without winning.
David Coleman

He hit the post, and after the game people will say, well, he hit the post.
Jimmy Greaves

At the end of the day, the Arsenal fans demand that we put eleven players on the pitch.
Don Howe

 

P.S. Please write to Will and Guy if you have any funny football quotes

If you like this page then please share it with your friends

 


See more clean football jokes and funny stories:

Football Home   • 2014 World Cup jokes  • Stupid footballers   • Football Jokes   • Football bloopers

Crazy football bets  • Funny football stories  • Funny footballer quotes   • Footballer nicknames

Funny Referee   • Funny football pictures   • Funny football photos   • Funny Super Bowl jokes