Silly Funny Jokes

Silly JokesSilly Funny Jokes, Daft Stories and Stupid Pictures

If you are in the right mood then these silly jokes are hilarious.  To cope with when you are not in the right mood we use surprise and variety, so keep looking until one of the jokes or funny pictures tickles your fancy.

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10  Silly Funny Jokes for Starters

  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
  3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
  6. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
  7. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  8. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
  9. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: "Keep off the Grass."
  10. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

Silly Billy - But Who is Going to Tell Him?Funny Goat Stories

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Silly, but Funny One-liners

  • The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
  • A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
  • I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
  • My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
  • I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
  • I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
  • I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
  • My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
  • Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the arm in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

More Silly Puns

  • A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'
  • Two cannibals are eating a clown.
    One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'
  • 'Deja Moo': The feeling that You've heard this bull before.
  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery
  • When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
  • The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large
  • See more silly puns
 
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And More Daft Signs

No Signs AllowedDrought warnings

Daft Jokes

Q. How's your job at the clock company?
A. I'm having second thoughts about it.

Q. How's your job at the sewing shop?
A. Hanging on by a thread.

Q. How's your job at the balloon factory?
A. We can't keep up with inflation.

See more cheesy jokes

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Funny Put Downs

  • He - Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
    She - Okay, get out.
  • Is it time for your medication or mine?
  • He hasn't just lost the plot, he's lost the whole library: Melody Maker (about Michael Jackson, 1992)
  • See more silly funny put downs
 

Stupid Things To Do in The Supermarket (Preferably, while your other half shops)

  1. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the foetal position and scream ' NO! .......It's those voices again!!!'
  2. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say, 'PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!'
  3. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible. 
  4. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals. 
  5. See 10 more things to do in the supermarket

 

Footnote:
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