Funny Reptile Stories, Jokes and Pictures

Funny Reptile Stories, Jokes and Pictures Funny reptile stories

Will and Guy are collecting funny reptile stories and pictures.

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Snake Boy

Baby with Snake

Ten Random Fascinating Facts About Reptiles

  1. There are 8,240 species of reptiles in the world, inhabiting every continent except Antarctica.
  2. Reptiles and amphibians are cold-blooded animals, which means that they depend on external sources, such as the sun, to maintain their body temperatures. Since they don't burn energy to heat internal "furnaces," reptiles eat 30 to 50 times less food than do birds and mammals [warm-blooded animals] of similar sizes.
  3. One way to tell a frog and a toad apart: frogs have smooth, clammy skin, while toads have more dry, bumpy skin. Both frogs and toads lay their eggs in water, but toads spend more of their time on land than do frogs.
  4. Only a few hundred of the world's 3,000 snakes are venomous. In the United States, only rattlesnakes, copperheads, cottonmouths, and coral snakes are poisonous. More Americans die each year from bee and wasp stings than from snake bites.
  5. Apparently Turtles can recognize faces and can do tricks.
  6. A gathering of frogs is called an army.
  7. The greatest age known for any snake is just under 30 years, attained by both the anaconda and the black-lipped cobra.
  8. Effects of the bites of both Black and Green Mambas produce neurotoxins, which is why they kill so fast. The Black Mamba is more venomous.
  9. Nile crocodiles have been known to reach speeds of up to 29 miles per hour.
  10. Crocodiles have a surprising vocal range which includes hissing and during the mating season they will produce fearsome roars and bellows.
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Why I Was Late for Work

Funny snake picture

 Tracking Your Tortoise: How to find your lost tortoise

Jane Willimas was so fed up with looking for her tortoises that she has fitted them with a tracker device.  Jane fixed the tracker device to their shells with a removable sticky pad.

Grumpy Henry Becomes a Dad at Age 111Tuatara

A reptile in New Zealand has become the proud father of eleven at the age of 111. Henry, the centenarian Tuatara resides at the Southland Museum and Art Gallery and was a "grumpy old man" until he had a cancerous tumour removed from his genitals in 2002. The gallery's Tuatara curator Lindsay Hazley revealed Henry became less aggressive after the operation and more keen on the opposite sex.

He was caught getting familiar with a female named Mildred last March. Lindsay informs us, 'I went off the idea he was good for breeding, but once the tumour was removed, he was no longer aggressive.'

All's Well That Ends Well, as Shakespeare would have said.

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Toad With Friend

Frog and mouse or toad and vole

Mr Cheeky Toad

frog playing

Funny Frog

...(videVfl2)

A frog walks into a bank to ask for a loan. He steps up to the counter and asks for an application form from the cashier, Paddy Wack

'Hey,' says the frog, 'I'd like to fill out an application for a loan.'

Paddy Wack answers cooly, 'Do you have any collateral for this loan; something to stand against your loan?'

The frog replies amiably, 'All I have is this statue of a unicorn.'

'Oooh, I don't know,' mutters Paddy Wack, 'I'll have to check this out with the manager.'

Paddy Wack goes to see the bank manager

The bank manager looks at the statue and immediately announces, 'Knick Knack, Paddy Wack. Give the frog a loan.'

 

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