Funny Politicians - Jokes and Quotes

Funny Politicians - Jokes and Quotes (On this page)Clean Man Jokes and Funny Stories

Funny Politicians and Amusing Political Jokes (Links to other pages)

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Ten Diverting, True and Hilarious Quotes about British Politics

  1. The labour Party has lost the last four elections. If they lose another, they get to keep the liberal party. - Clive Anderson.
  2. If the word "No" was removed from the English language, Ian Paisley would be speechless. - John Hume.
  3. I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher.
  4. Harold Wilson is going around the country stirring up apathy. - William Whitelaw.
  5. I don't know what I would do without Whitelaw. Everyone should have a Willy. - Margaret Thatcher.
  6. The difference between a misfortune and a calamity is this: If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, that would be a calamity. - Benjamin Disraeli.
  7. I have no interest in sailing around the world. Not that there is any lack of requests for me to do so. - Edward Heath.
  8. The Labour Party's election manifesto is the longest suicide note in history. - Greg Knight.
  9. At every crisis the Kaiser crumpled. In defeat he fled; in revolution he abdicated; in exile he remarried. - Winston Churchill.
  10. The British Secret Service was staffed at one point almost entirely by alcoholic homosexuals working for the KGB. - Clive James.

UK Elections 2015

Voting is carried out at designated polling stations which must be accessible, identifiable and provide that all important privacy for voters. They should also be the right size to meet the needs of the local electorate and allow a queue of people to "flow" through.

Village halls and schools are obvious venues but in some places more imaginative locations have to be utilised. Here are some of them:

The world's oldest football ground - Sandygate, home to Hallam Football Club in Sheffield .

Election 2015 Humour Hallam FC Vote

Other 'sporting venues' include cricket pavilions, rugby clubs, boxing clubs, bowling clubs and even a table tennis centre in Middlesbrough.

Churches and their associated halls have been used for many years but Christianity is far from the only religion whose buildings are put use as polling stations.

Mosques, Hindu Temples, Synagogues, Buddhist Centres and Spiritualist Centres are also used. (Divine inspiration an added bonus?)

Pubs and theatres are well represented too, as are museums. Maybe the best name of any polling station is; Explosion! The Museum of Naval Fire Power in Gosport!

Other unlikely places to cast your vote are a hairdressing salon, a garage, the dining room of a cottage and a launderette.

Election 2015 Laundrette.

Election 2015 Laundrette.But the most unusual polling station of all could be your own car. In exceptional cases - such as for those physically unable to get into the specified venue - the polling station would come to them outside.  A spokesman said, "It is very, very unusual, but it does happen."

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The Stamp - A Funny Political Joke Clean Man Jokes and Funny Stories

A famous world statesman wanted to be remembered so he commissioned a special postage stamp which was to carry his picture. He instructed his people to design it, stressing that it should be of international quality.

The stamps were duly released and he was delighted. However, within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and this made him very annoyed.

He 'phoned the stamp makers and ordered them to investigate the matter. They checked out the problem by visiting several post offices, and then they reported back to the politician.

Their report said, 'There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side.'

 

Amusing and Entertaining View Of Funny Politicians

1) Jeremy, a tourist on holiday from California, climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, DC.

He saw a man standing near the curb, and asked, 'Excuse me, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?'

'What?' the man huffed bad temperedly. 'Do you realise that I am a member of the United States Senate?'

'Well no,' Jeremy uttered, 'I hadn't realised that. But listen, I'm really in a hurry so I'm going to have to trust you anyway.'

2) Two political candidates were having a heated political debate.

Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, 'What about the powerful interest that controls you?'

The other guy yelled back, 'You leave my wife out of this.'

3) Prime Minister George Brown was seen going to Homewood Interiors, a small furniture store. He was surrounded by his bodyguards, and everyone immediately took notice of the unusual sight. They looked closer and they saw who it was. Everyone was in awe.

Why would Prime Minister Brown visit his small shop. Surely, they all asked each other, he should have his minions do it for him.

Finally, one man plucked up enough courage and asked the Prime Minister, 'What are you doing in this little store of ours?'

To which George replied, 'Oh, everyone keeps telling me that I should get a new cabinet.'

A First: A Politician Who Laughs at Themselves

Politicians Laugh at Themselves A former Labour Member of Parliament for Consett in England named David Watkins has proved that he has a sense of humour.  His autobiography is aptly named: "Seventeen Years In Obscurity: Memoirs from the Back Benches."

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Ludicrous Vice Presidential Faux Pas to Make You Giggle

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Dan Quayle was Vice President of the USA between 1989-1993. He quickly became famous for his faux pas when speaking. Here we offer ten examples of funny political quotes for you to enjoy:

  1. Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
  2. We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
  3. We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a "part" of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a "part" of Europe.
  4. The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.
  5. Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
  6. It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
  7. It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
  8. I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
  9. I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.
  10. For NASA, space is still a high priority.

More Funny Officials with Links to other pagesFunny Bush moments

No Account of Funny Politicians Would Be Complete without George W. Bush.

Bushisms

  • You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.
  • I understand small business growth. I was one.
  • Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?
  • See more Bushisms
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Tax Jokes

  • A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.
    A tax is a fine for doing something right.
  • The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward. John Maynard Keynes
  • My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.  Errol Flynn
  • See more tax jokes

Funny Political Jokes and Sayings

  • 'Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it wrongly, and applying unsuitable remedies'.  Sir Ernest Benn
  • 'I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting'.  Ronald Reagan
  • Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.  Doug Larson
  • See more political jokes

 

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