Funny Women Things

Funny Women Things

Amusing pictures, jokes and funny things about marriage.  Men feature, but usually not in a good light.

Funny Women Jokes and Stories

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Funny Videos, Amusing PowerPoint Presentations

A Pack of Playing Cards?

They say that marriage is like a deck of cards, you start out with two hearts and a diamond, and end up with a club and a spade.

Interesting Pictures of Women's Stuff

How Did She Do That?

Marriage humour

Ten Funny Things About Marriage

  1. The woman always makes the rules
  2. These rules are subject to change without notice
  3. No man can possibly know all the rules
  4. The woman is never wrong
  5. If it appears the woman is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the man did or said
  6. The man must apologise immediately for causing the misunderstanding
  7. The woman can change her mind at any time
  8. The man must never change his mind without the proper consent of the woman
  9. The man must read the mind of the woman at all times
  10. At all times, what is important is what the woman meant, not what she said.
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Funny Story About a Little Old LadyLittle old ladies story

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite anisette sprinkled cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife..... 'Back off!' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'

Marriage One-liners

  • A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double.  The man thinks for a moment and then says, 'OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death.'
  • How do most men define marriage?  A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
  • A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
  • The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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Marriage Maths Marriage ProposalsMaths of Marriage

When asked if there was anything they would have changed about one of the most romantic moments of their lives, several women said a 'bigger diamond!'

  • 54% of men still get down on one knee
  • 44% of men ask their partner's father for permission to marry
  • 57% of men cry when she said yes
  • 65% of women say he could have put more effort and preparation into the proposal
  • 25% of couples wait longer than five years before taking their relationship that step further
  • 23% of women have been proposed to more than once

Three Funny Women Things

The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.

First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words...

... Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)

Recommendations Made by Men to Women

  1. "Sports Report" starts at 5pm on a Saturday and runs for one hour. This is an excellent time for you to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer, or talk to your mother.
  2. You probably don't want to know what I'm thinking about.
  3. Never buy a "new" brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'
  4. If we see each other in the morning and at night, why phone me at work?

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a man who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness?  It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means".  George Burns

Will and Guy's Philosophy

Our overall philosophy on humour is variety, we have a mixture of amusing videos, funny, yet clean jokes, mixed in with thought provoking pictures and the odd story, the theme in this section is 'Funny Women Things'.

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See more funny marriage jokes, funny stories and PowerPoint Presentations

Funny women things   • Male or female brains   • Why women live longer   • Funny relationship jokes

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