Funny International Jokes

Funny International Jokes

Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.  Arthur Schopenhauer

International Jokes: Topics on This Page

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Here is Will and Guy's collection of international jokes and funny pictures.  All the jokes are clean, and to our old-fashioned way of thinking, are in good taste.  It will be a sad day if national identities are lost due to political correctness.  There are signs that common sense is prevailing.  If we have a bias then it's for old friendly rivalries such as English v Scottish,  American v Canadian, some of the current conflicts seem too intense and painful for us to include jokes about their hostilities.

Additional Pages of International Humour

Joke About An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were confessing their secret vices to each other.

'I'm a terrible gambler,' said The Englishman.

'I'm a terrible drinker,' said The Scotsman.

'My vice is much less serious,' said The Irishman, 'I just like to tell tales about my friends.' Gone Fishing

Mirthful Joke

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were out fishing in a boat on a lake together and doing very well.

'This is a terrific spot for fishing,' said the Englishman. 'How will we know where this spot is next time?'

'I've thought of that,' said The Scotsman, 'I've just put a mark on the side of the boat.'

'You idiot,' said the Irishman, 'how do you know we will get this boat the next time?'

See more Englishman, Irishman... Jokes

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Truly International Jokes

You can take a New Yorker out of the Bronx, but you cannot take the Bronx....

Four men were walking down the street in London, England: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.  Then suddenly, a reporter comes running up and says, 'Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?'

The Saudi says, 'Excuse me, what's a shortage?'

The Russian says, 'Excuse me, what's meat?'

The North Korean says, 'Excuse me, what's an opinion?'

The New Yorker, says, 'Excuse me?? What's excuse me?'

Swedish Humour

'A guy phones the local hospital and yells, 'You've gotta send help! My wife's in labour!'

The nurse says, 'Calm down. Is this her first child?'

He replies, 'No! This is her husband!'

See more funny jokes from around the world

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More Funny International Jokes

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How to Speak Chinese

  • It's very dark in here...........................Wai So Dim?
  • I bumped into a coffee table.................Ai Bang Mai Ni
  • I think you need a face lift...................Chin Tu Fat
  • See more on How to Speak Chinese

Learn to Speak New Zealand

  • This is duffy cult - not easy
  • Bun button - been bitten by insect
  • Beard - a place to sleep
  • Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers
  • Ear New Zulland - an extinct airline
  • Beers - large savage animals found in U.S. forests
  • See more on How to Speak New Zealand

Funny Engrish Signs

Engrish examples - we spik inglish

Don't Make Skies Fall Down!!!

Ski - Fall down Engrish

See more funny Engrish Japanese signs

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Five Funny Jokes From Other Lands

  • The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney.  The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
  • 'In California, a speech teacher is in a lot of trouble for encouraging her students to oppose the war with Iraq. The principal was furious and said telling kids to oppose the war is the French teacher's job.' - Conan O'Brien
  • A sign seen in the window of a shop in Enniskillen, County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland. It reads: 'The bargain basement...is on the first floor.'
  • Andrew called in to see his Scottish friend Angus to find he was stripping the wallpaper from the walls. Rather obviously, he remarked 'You're decorating, I see.'

  • To which Angus replied, 'No. I'm moving house.'

Pulling Rank?

One foggy night, a United States Aircraft Carrier was cruising off the coast of Newfoundland and the junior radar operator spotted a light in the gloom.  Here is a transcript of what happened next.

The radar operator worked out that a collision was likely unless the other vessel changed its course.  So he sent a radio message.

U.S. Aircraft Carrier Radar Officer:
'Please divert your course at least 7 degrees to the south to avoid a collision'.

Back came the reply: 'You must be joking, I recommend you divert your course instead'.

The U.S. Radar Officer referred the matter to his superior officer.  And reported the incident as insubordination.

As a result the Captain of the Air Craft Carrier sent a second message.  'I believe that I out rank you, and am giving you a direct order to divert your course now!!!'Lighthouse urban myth

Canadian Radio Operator:
'This is a lighthouse.  I suggest you take evasive action.'

Footnote to the lighthouse urban myth

The lighthouse story is an urban myth.  Our friend Jackson heard a rumour that the story is discussed at the annual coastguards convention, where the different versions are compared and scored.  Apparently most versions are preposterous because the ship would have visual contact with the lighthouse.  However, if you add a fog to your version you gain credibility - at least in the eyes of the lighthouse keepers.

 

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