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Stories for Children

Funny Crime Stories

We have collected true stories, takes, yarns and sagas suitable for boys and girls of all ages.Stories for Children

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Tales Suitable For Bedtime Reading on This Page

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Boot On the Wrong Footboots joke

This tale is based on a true story told to Will by a friend [Tessa] who is an nursery schoolteacher in Drayton near Portsmouth; names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Marlon asked the teacher to help him get his shoes on at the end of a busy day. After quite a struggle with the shoes, which were a little tight, Tessa finally got them on. 'They're on the wrong way round, Miss,' mumbled Marlon.

She realises that he is right; they are on the wrong feet. Staying calm she and swaps them over for him.

'They're not my shoes, Miss,' Marlon murmurs again.

Tessa fights hard to keep her cool and asks Marlon why he hadn't told her before. She then kneels down again and helps him pull the shoes off.

'These aren't my shoes, they're my brother's and Mum told me not to tell anyone.'

At this point Tessa can feel tears coming. She helps him back into his shoes. She gets him into his coat and wraps his scarf round his neck.

'Where are your gloves, Marlon?' asks Tessa quietly.

'Oh, Miss, I always put them in my shoes!'

Stories for Children Who Like Animals

Cat's Daily Routine Baffles Owner reports BBC News True cat story

This is a true story about a cat who baffling his owner by wandering off at night before expecting to be collected by car every morning at exactly the same time and place.

Sgt Podge, a Norwegian Forest Cat, disappears from his owner's home in Talbot Woods, Bournemouth, every night.  The next morning, the 12-year-old cat can always be found in exactly the same place, sat on a pavement about one and a half miles (2.4km) away.

Sgt Podge has breakfast before going to sleep by a warm radiatorHis owner, Liz Bullard, takes her son to school before collecting Sgt Podge. She said a routine has now become established, where each morning she takes her son to school before driving to collect Sgt Podge from the pavement between 0800 and 0815 GMT. It is thought Sgt Podge walks across Meyrick Park Golf Course every night to reach his destination. Ms Bullard said, 'If it's raining he may be in the bush but he comes running if I clap my hands.'

All she has to do is open the car passenger door from the inside for Sgt Podge to jump in.

Back at home, Sgt Podge has breakfast before going to sleep by a warm radiator.

 ф

Giant Penguin Holds up Train Strange but true - Giant Penguin Tuxedo

Neuwied - Germany

Udo Vergens, a German train driver, thought that he saw a man lying face down on the track.  What could Udo do?  What would you do?  Well Udo slammed on the train's emergency breaks.  Fortunately, the train came screeching to a halt barely 2 metres from the body.   When Udo got close, he could see that it was not a man in a tuxedo, but a giant toy penguin.

Passengers were less impressed as their journey was disrupted because of Udo's emergency stop.

A Neuwied police spokesman said: 'We are at a loss to explain the presence of this very large penguin.

'We would think you would notice if you lost something like this.'  Talking of notices, see picture right of what the train driver missed!

Tale from the Supermarketwoman at his supermarket shopped with a three-year-old girl

Cedric watched as a woman at his supermarket shopped with a three-year-old girl.  As they approached the sweet section the little girl asked for some liquorice sticks and her mother told her, 'No'. The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss. The mother said softly, 'Now Cindy, our shopping is going well, Don't be upset.........we'll soon be out of here.'

Presently, they came to the aisle where the ice cream was on offer and the little girl began to ask for an ice lolly. When told she couldn't have one she began to cry.  The mother said gently, 'There, there, Cindy, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go and then we'll be at the check out' .

When they got to the conveyer belt the little girl immediately began to demand sweets next to the checkout.  Finally she threw a tantrum when her mother would not let her have any sweets.  The mother, calmed her saying, 'Cindy, we'll be through this queue in two minutes and then we can go home and have a glass of squash and a nap.'

Cedric followed them out to the car park and stopped the woman to compliment her on her child management.

'I couldn't help admiring how patient you were with little Cindy,' Cedric said.

The mother turned and replied, 'Oh, no, I'm Cindy. My little girl's name is Dorothy.

See more children's stories in the supermarket.

Tales for Older Children

Only in America - Allegedly True Food Story From The USA

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlour with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.Allegedly a true story from the USA: Pizza order

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital:

Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.

Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.

...(videVfl2)

Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.

Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.

Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my chequebook right here.

Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Man: I don't think so. *Click*

The Bell Ringers SagaCampanology Funny Story about Quasimodo and bell ringing

Quasimodo was the famous hunch back of Notre Dame.  After his death, the bishop of his Cathedral sent word through the streets of Paris that he needed a new bell ringer.

The Bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and so he went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he shook his head - none were as good as Quasimodo.

Just as the bishop was leaving, a man with no arms approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.

The bishop was incredulous. 'But, you have no arms!'

'No matter', said the man. 'Observe!' And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the bells.  The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo

But suddenly, rushing forward to head the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window.  Sadly, he died on the the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed to the armless man. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, 'Bishop, who was this man?' .

'I don't know his name', the bishop sadly replied, 'but his face rings a bell.'

 

Part 2

...(videVfl2)

The next day, despite the sadness of the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you will honour my brother's life by allowing me to replace him as your esteemed bell ringer'.

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

A monk, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. 'What has happened? Who is this man?' the monk asked breathlessly.

'I don't know his name', sighed the distraught bishop, but... 

Funny story about campanology - Bell ringers

 . .... 'He's was a dead ringer for his brother'.

 

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