Yorkshire Jokes and Funny Stories
Yorkshire Jokes and Funny Stories
Yorkshire people are a very particular breed: they can be dour, they speak their minds and they are hard working, friendly and kind. Yorkshire people refer to their county as 'God's own county,' and indeed can boast some of the most beautiful countryside in Britain.
Will and Guy have attempted to give you a taste of Yorkshire humour through the following jokes:
Bob: What's the difference between unlawful and illegal Arnold?
Arnold: Umm, illegal is against the law and unlawful is umm, when something takes place that is not necessarily against the law.
Bob: Ayup, lad. You know this is actually supposed to be comedy now. Your answer was supposed to be, 'I don't know Bob, what is the difference between unlawful and illegal?' You're rubbish at this, you want to stick to carpentry, mate.
Arnold: Well you see I'm a very intelligent person and I'm thinking of the intellectual response to that question not the umm, comical one. OK, I'll give you the comical response now.
Bob: Let me ask you the question again: What is the difference between unlawful
Bob: Unlawful is against the law, and illegal is a sick bird.
Ayup - Footnote
'Ayup', by the way, is an all purpose Yorkshire word that means Hello, How are you? Whassup? What are you up to? Look at this, Oy!, Gerroff, See that? Bloody hell! Are you listening? Watch out, Where you been? Pay attention, Wake up.........................
Peter: Why have women never been to the moon?
'Open All Hours' is a British television production in which Ronnie Barker and David Jason play typical Yorkshire folk. The realistic 'Northern' character of the humour and characters is suggested as a reason for the success of the programme.
A Yorkshire man had emigrated to America, but still used to receive news from home by mail.
One day, he got the following telegram:
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10p." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.
Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?'
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis-shaken, not stirred-and says, 'That'll be 10p each, please.'
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, 'That's 40p, please.' They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a £1 yet. Finally one of them says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a 10p a piece?'
'I'm a retired tailor,' the bartender says, 'and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10p. wine, liquor, beer-it's all the same.'
'Wow! That's some story!' one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, 'What's with them?'
The bartender says, 'They're retired people from Yorkshire. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.'
Further Funnies From Yorkshire, England
Will and Guy recommend you read these out aloud
The following poem is, in fact, a traditional folk song which was written in 1929 and made famous by the actor Stanley Holloway [1890-1982] It is about the period before the Duke of Wellington's famous battle at Waterloo against Napoleon in 1815.
If you are able, it is probably best read in a northern accent:
Sam, Sam, Pick Up Tha Musket
It occurred on the evening before Waterloo,
Yorkshire Day - 1st August
Footnote: If you can provide some examples of Yorkshire wit please feel free to contact us.
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