Funny Train Announcements

Funny Train Announcements. Researched by Alan TurnhamFunny train announcements

While New York converted to unmanned trains in 1962, the London Underground has maintained its drivers.  Some say that passengers would not trust the driver-less trains, others say it is pressure from the unions.

Yet other cynics say that the trains are actually automatic, and the drivers are just there to re-assure the passengers.  This theory is borne out by some of these funny train announcements, allegedly spoken by London underground drivers.

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1) What Do the Train Drivers Know?

'We are now travelling through The Angel Islington station, as you can see The Angel Islington is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you, but no, they don't think about things like that'

This train will NOT be stopping at Moorgate station. I repeat, this train will NOT stop at Moorgate'......., 'Ladies and gentlemen.....this train IS stopping at Moorgate, and of course I'm the last to know'

2) No BeggingTrain Jokes - No Begging

'Please note that begging is not permitted in any part of London Underground.  However, to the gentleman busking away happily next to the escalators, please carry on and enjoy yourself.  The transport police have been called and should be with you shortly...'

'Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity, failing that, give it to me!'

3) Zany London Tube Drivers add Spice to the JourneyTrain Jokes - Tower Hill

'We are taking the scenic route to Barking on the District Line.  We will be stopping at all stations to Barking with the exception of Cannon Street.  This train does not stop there on Saturdays due to ...

(PAUSE) ... total lack of interest.'

Paddington Station
'This is Paddington Station. Please leave your valuables on the train and I will collect them at the end of my shift.'

'Hello this is the captain of your Uxbridge train speaking, and we will be departing shortly.  Please note that we will be cruising at an altitude of approximately zero feet, and our scheduled arrival time in Uxbridge is 11:15pm.

The temperature in Uxbridge is a cool 10 degrees Celsius, and Uxbridge is in the same time zone as Aldgate, so there's no need to adjust your watches.'

Nosmo King
'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint it is only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage'. worst train ticket


4) Drivers Out of Control? - More Funny Train Announcements

'To the gentleman wearing the pin-striped suit, who is trying to get in to the third carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?'

'Covent Garden has been closed due overcrowding. Please alight at Leicester Square and wander around aimlessly with your huge rucksacks until you get to your destination. You never know, they might install escalators one day!'

'Would the lady going down the escalator please lower her umbrella, it doesn't rain underground.'

'Please let the passengers off the train'.... 'Please let the passengers off the train first'....... 'PLEASE let the passengers off the train first'....... 'let the passengers off the train FIRST!'...... 'Go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I'm going home.'


The world's first underground train opened on January 10th 1863.  It was a stretch of the Metropolitan line between Paddington and Farrington.

P.S. Please send us your Funny Train Announcements

Missing Link?


Will and Guy always think it bizarre when the London Underground goes 'Overground'.  What's particularly funny about this train station is the staircase over the track.  Note the missing link, not easy connection to make.

Train Stairs to nowhere

Train Graffiti:

Will and Guy in no way endorse graffiti which is, in effect, a form of vandalism. Although it may have artistic merit, the graffiti to be found on the British rail network is the source of major problems to the British Transport Police. It costs the Network Rail millions of pounds a year to remove and carrying it out is not only a criminal offence but puts the graffiti vandals in grave danger by trespassing on the railway lines.

We have found a series of trains which have been covered in graffiti. No one has acknowledged ownership of this specific 'art' and we have no real indication of which country the trains come from; help in this area would be appreciated.

Train Graffiti

If you look carefully you can see the train wheels or 'bogey' at the bottom of the picture.  You may also be able to spot the railway track.

Train Art 

Here above is a picture showing the train's electric pickup and the fancy train graffiti underneath.

See more funny train pictures


London Iconic Underground Logo Celebrates CentenaryLondon Underground Centenary

London underground's iconic logo has just enjoyed its 100th birthday celebration write Will and Guy.

The famous circular symbol of the London Underground was first used in 1908. These particular signs are made at AJ Wells and Sons in Newport on the Isle of Wight, England. The vitreous enamel metal signs are made in a complicated process of silk screening and five separate firings in a furnace at temperatures up to 830 degrees centigrade, to produce an iconic object which has become a symbol for London itself.

The London underground logo is also celebrating its centenary with an exhibition of specially commissioned artwork by 100 artists, including Yinka Shonibare, Bob and Roberta Smith, Cornelia Parker and Thomas Helbig.  The 100 pieces, all inspired by the red and blue roundel, will go on display at the Rochelle School of Art in Shoreditch, London from 8th - 30th October, 2008. An online exhibition starts on 16th September and can be accessed at the London Transport Museum's website.

London Underground Blog by Annie Mole

A blog about the London Underground by 'Annie Mole' has been voted the British blog at the Bloggies awards three times in the last four years.  TimeOut magazine's rate it one of London's 50 best sites.

Companies which do the maintenance work on tube lines recognise how Annie's blog influences on commuters, and it seems they have met her to answer complaints.  Will and Guy could not find any funny train announcements, but you can see more here about Annie' Mole's London Underground Blog

Scenic Train Journey

Beautiful Train Pictures

See more PowerPoint slides of trains.


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