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Things To Do in ASDA

Will and Guy's Collection of Supermarket Jokes

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Try the following in ASDA (Or Wal-Mart, FranPrix or any Supermarket)

10 Things To Do in the Supermarket ....While Your Other Half Shops:

  1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking.
  2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in Housewares...' and see what happens. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.
  3. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located. 
  4. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the foetal position and scream ' NO! .......It's those voices again!!!'
  5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit. 
  6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 
  7. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department. 
  8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
  9. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while.. then yell loudly, 'There's no toilet paper in here.'
  10. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say, 'PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!'

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Manful Attempt at the Shopping

Last Saturday morning, Brian, the manager of the local Tesco Extra used by Will and his wife, noticed a somewhat bewildered man staring vacantly at his shopping list in front of the produce counter. As the manager approached, intending to offer assistance, he noticed printed in large capital letters at the bottom of the man's list: 'YOU HAVE NOW FINISHED SHOPPING - COME HOME.

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Slick Staff: 1) Public Address Messages

Katy worked in a Morrisons supermarket in Baildon, Yorkshire, and every night at closing time she reminded shoppers over the public address system to finish their shopping as the store was closing.
One evening, Katy, whose previous job had been in the Asda supermarket in Shipley, started the announcement by saying, 'Good evening, Asda shoppers ..............'

Realising her mistake, Katy quickly got herself out of trouble by adding, '. . . you are obviously in the wrong store.'

Slick Staff: 2) Always Sell the BenefitAlways Sell the Benefit - Unbreakable Comb

Rupert, the salesman, was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a John Lewis department store in Doncaster. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress. Finally to impress even the sceptics in the crowd, Rupert bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and calmly said, 'And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside.'

Will and Guy's Recommendations For More Things To Do.....

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  • At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
  • Every time someone asks you to do something, ask they want fries with that.
  • Put Decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
  • Don't use any punctuation.
  • Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
  • Sing along at the Opera.
  • Put mosquito netting around your Work Area and play tropical sounds all day.
  • When the money comes out the ATM, scream, 'I Won! I Won!'

Funny Things To Do In AsdaFunny Supermarket Story

I went to Asda on a whim, to buy some eye-shadow and eye pencils.  On my way out, I noticed a display of camping equipment, for families.  There were tents (grey) and matching fold up chairs. "I need one of those chairs", I thought.

The display was like a garden, with artificial lawn, raised up about 10 inches off the ground, with a small wooden garden fence, and so I climbed over it, crossed the "grass"  and sat on a chair, to see if it was LOW enough for my short legs. Then I calmly got up, crossed the "grass", climbed back down and went inside to look for one of the chairs. I could not find them, but decided to leave it for another day anyway.

I started to leave, but a tall red haired young woman suddenly stopped me and said:  "WERE YOU THE WOMAN WHO JUST GOT UP OUT OF THAT CHAIR?" and I said YES. And she said:

"YOU SCARED ME TO DEATH!!!" She had seen me sitting there, and suddenly I stood up.

(She thought I was part of the display, and there was a family of "dummies" - very pasty-faced mum, dad and child/children part of the display).

I said: "WELL I KNOW I AM A DUMMY - BUT I'M NOT THAT PALE!! " and we had hysterics. She must have thought it was part of the "act".  Like those "human sculptures" they have in cities all over the world.

Footnote:
Story kindly sent in by June M Faulding.

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