How to Speak New Zealand

How to Speak New ZealandHow to Speak New Zealand

These examples of 'How to speak New Zealand' were sent to Will by an old school friend named Paul Garrod, who emigrated to New Zealand from England a while ago.

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New Zillund Speak

What helped me to understand New Zealand (Zillund) speak, was to read each item out loud:

  • Peck - to fill a suitcase
  • Min - male of the species
  • Milburn - capital of Victoria
  • Pigs - for hanging out washing withHow to Speak New Zealand - McKennock
  • Pug - large animal with a curly tail
  • Nin tin dough - computer game
  • Munner stroney - soup
  • Mess Kara - eye makeup
  • McKennock - person who fixes cars
  • Mere - Mayor
  • Leather - foam produced from soap
  • Lift - departed
  • Kiri Pecker - famous Australian businessman
  • Kittle crusps - potato chips
  • Ken's - Cairns
  • Jumbo - pet name for someone called Jim
  • Jungle Bills - Christmas carol
  • Inner me - enemy
  • Guess - vapour
  • Fush - marine creatures
  • Fitter cheney - type of pasta
  • Ever cardeau - avocado

Kiwi Speak

The New Zealand Alphabet - How to speak New Zillund

New Zillund Alphabet

More Examples of: How to Speak New Zealand

  • Fear hear - blonde
  • Ear - mix of nitrogen and oxygen
  • Ear roebucks - exercise at the gym
  • Duffy cult - not easy
  • Day old chuck - very young poultry
  • Bug hut - popular recording
  • Bun button - been bitten by insect
  • Beard - a place to sleep
  • Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers
  • Ear New Zulland - an extinct airline
  • Beers - large savage animals found in U.S. forests
  • Amejen - visualise
  • One Doze - well known computer program
  • Brudge - structure spanning a stream
  • Tin - one more than nine
  • Iggs Ecktly - Precisely
  • Earplane - large flying machine
  • Beggage Chucken - place to leave your suitcase at the earport
  • Sivven Sucks Sivven - large Boeing aircraft
  • Sivven Four Sivven - larger Boeing aircraft
  • Cuds - children
  • Pits - domestic animals
  • See more on 'How to Speak New Zealand'

Come on Kiwis, tell us Brits how we sound to you!

Perfect Woman Competition in New Zealand

The owner of a bar in Wanaka is holding a competition to find the 'perfect Kiwi woman', the prize is $NZ1,000 and tickets for a rugby game.Pool table for the wife

Amongst the tasks the aspirants will be expected to undertake are:

  • Back a trailer load of hay
  • Change a car tyre
  • Clear a pool table
  • Darn a sock
  • Lift a ram into shearing position

As reported in the Sun newspaper in Australia.
P.S. Get a free Kiwi Server!


A Tale from New Zealand

Have you realised yet that computers are controlling more and more aspects of our lives? It is a genuine concern as this short story tells us.

For instance, if you've worked in a modern office building, you've probably come across the ventilation problem: if you get hot, you can't just open the window. You usually have to ask 'building services', often in a call centre on the other side of the world, to turn up the air conditioning via the building's computer system.

However, there is a company in New Zealand Will and Guy have been told who might be rethinking their reliance on this type of computer control.

Mill St 'Pak'n Save Supermarket' in Hamilton, New Zealand was supposed to be closed for Good Friday.

However, it seems that no one told the Computer in charge of controlling the shop, meaning that the doors were opened as normal on Friday morning and the lights turned on, but without any staff being at work.

Naturally the stock didn't stay on the shelves for long; but most of the "customers" didn't go to the trouble of paying for it, although some did, using the automated checkouts.

Will and Guy are beginning to think that maybe it's time to rethink how much power we give to our Computers.

Speak Australish

  • Floordrobe - Someone who spreads their clothes around the bedroom floor.
  • Fitness centre -  A place where they leave no stern untoned.
  • Salad dodger - Fatso.
  • Tanorexia - Devoted to getting a suntan.
  • See more Australian jokes.


Please send us your examples of: 'How to speak New Zealand'.
For example Mike Kellet sent us this:

Slave: The portion of a sweater that extends from the shoulder down to the wrist.

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