How To Speak Chinese

How To Speak Chinese 

• Hu Yu Hai Ding? (Who are you hiding)
• How To Speak Chinese - Advanced
• Calling Chris Pett - The Master of Speaking Chinese
• Poor English?
• Speak Essex

Hu Yu Hai Ding? (Who are you hiding)

It helps if you say each one out loud.
(I had to read some of them twice.)

• That's not right..................................Sum Ting Wong
• Are you harbouring a fugitive?...............Hu Yu Hai Ding?
• See me asap......................................Kum Hia Nao
• Stupid man........................................Dum Gai
• Small horse.......................................Tai Ni Po Ni
• It's very dark in here...........................Wai So Dim?
• I thought you were on a diet................Wai Yu Mun Ching?
• This is a tow-away zone......................No Pah King
• Our meeting is scheduled for next week......Wai Yu Kum Nao?
• Staying out of sight............................Lei Ying Lo

How To Speak Chinese - Advanced

• He's cleaning his automobile.................Wa Shing Ka
• Your body odour is offensive................Yu Stin Ki Pu
• Did you go to the beach?.....................Wai Yu So Tan?
• I bumped into a coffee table.................Ai Bang Mai Ni
• I think you need a face lift...................Chin Tu Fat

Calling Chris Pett - The master of speaking Chinese funny

I have an old friend called Chris Pett.  We have lost touch, I suspect that he has done a Lord Lucan and gone into hiding.  Just in case there is another Chris Pett, my friend answers to Eri Stalis.  Before he disappeared from my radar, Chris used to be a frequent flier.

I heard from an airport insider in Jersey that Chris single-handedly caused the airport authorities to change their policy for passenger announcements.  The reason was that Chris was for ever going to the information desk and asking them to tannoy messages for people with the names like this: Lei Ying Lo (Lying Low).  Then one day the penny dropped, the messages, like the people, were pure fiction.

Engrish / Chinese Humour

Will and Guy have been researching to check that China is ready for the Olympic Games in Beijing and have come across these photographs which may amuse you.

Poor English - Where do they get their food?

Very Suspicious Supermarket

You were warned! - Lettuce in Pain

Carefully fall into the river?  Where they washed the lettuce?

Speak Essex - or Essex Speak

Will and Guy have created this guide for those of you who will venture into the English county known as Essex, where they have a language all of their own.  This Essex is in the UK, not far from London, and the accent is not unlike cockney, but without the rhyming slang.

We recommend that you speak each phrase or word out loud before reading the translation which we have supplied:

alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item: how much is it?

amant - Quantity; sum total ('Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend'): amount

assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness or disability: housebound

awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ('That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day'): horse

branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ('Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ‘ave you been on sunbed?'): browner

cort a panda - A rather large hamburger: quarter pounder

Dan in the maff - Unhappy ('Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff'): down in the mouth

eye-eels - Women's shoes: heels

Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre: Thurrock

garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: 'Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper'): garage

Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island: Ibiza

lafarjik - Lacking in energy ('I feel all lafarjik'): lethargic

OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs: hello

paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport: newspaper

reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ('I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig'): rebound

Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday: Southend

tan - The city of London, the big smoke: town

webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ('Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour'): whereabouts

wonnid - Desired, needed or Wanted by the police: wanted

zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ('I told ya a fazzand times already'): exaggerate

• March Jokes Home

See funny Engrish phrases, also how to speak....

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