How To Speak Chinese Funny
Here is Will and Guy's collection of funny Chinese phrases and words
Funny Chinese Words: Hu Yu Hai Ding? (Who are you hiding)
It helps if you say each one out loud.
Incidentally, 2014 is the Chinese Year of the horse.
I have an old friend called Chris Pett. We have lost touch, I suspect that he has done a Lord Lucan and gone into hiding. Just in case there is another Chris Pett, my friend answers to Eri Stalis. Before he disappeared from my radar, Chris used to be a frequent flier.
I heard from an airport insider in Jersey that Chris single-handedly caused the airport authorities to change their policy for passenger announcements. The reason was that Chris was for ever going to the information desk and asking them to tannoy messages for people with the names like this: Lei Ying Lo (Lying Low). Then one day the penny dropped, the messages, like the people, were pure fiction.
Chris Pett has a scientific background, I wonder if he is now working at the Max Planck Institute? The reason that I am suspicious is that the cover of the January 2009 edition has a Chinese script on its front cover. Unfortunately, the script does not say what was intended by the Max Planck Institute, instead the Chinese characters convey an advert for a brothel in Macau!
The Max Planck Institute published a grovelling apology. 'By publishing this text we did in no way intend to cause any offence or embarrassment to our Chinese readers.' Interestingly, it also said: 'It has now emerged that the text contains deeper levels of meaning, which are not immediately accessible to a non-native speaker.' Further research indicates a Hong Kong dialect.
There have been reports of a mixed reception to the script within China. Some of the establishment figures regarded the cover as a calculated insult to the Chinese people. While a student friend of Will and Guy's thought it was highly amusing and wished that there were more such faux-pas to spice up the academic press.
Top Twenty Tips To Look For
Engrish / Chinese Humour
Will and Guy have been researching how China prepared for the Olympic Games in Beijing and have come across these photographs of funny Chinese phrases, which we hope will amuse you.
Very Suspicious Supermarket
You were warned! - Lettuce in Pain
Carefully fall into the river? Where they washed the lettuce?
Confucius (551-479 BC) was a famous Chinese philosopher from the Zhou Dynasty. He is the source of many aspects of Chinese culture and beliefs. His style was to teach humanity through stories with moral or philosophical point, his subject matter encompassed ethics, people's relationships, politics, justice, and sincerity.
Two examples of true Confucius philosophy are:
What has happened in the last 75 years or so is that Confucius's philosophy and style have been hi-jacked for a western interpretation of Chinese jokes. Mao banned Confucianism which probably increased its popularity, particularly in the West.
Will and Guy Ten Favourite Clean Confucius Jokes
Speak Essex - or Essex Speak
Will and Guy have created this guide for those of you who will venture into the English county known as Essex, where they have a language all of their own. This Essex is in the UK, not far from London, and the accent is not unlike cockney, but without the rhyming slang.
We recommend that you speak each phrase or word out loud before reading the translation which we have supplied:
alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item: how much is it?
amant - Quantity; sum total ('Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend'): amount
assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness or disability: housebound
awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ('That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day'): horse
branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ('Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, 'ave you been on sunbed?'): browner
cort a panda - A rather large hamburger: quarter pounder
Dan in the maff - Unhappy ('Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff'): down in the mouth
eye-eels - Women's shoes: heels
Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre: Thurrock
garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: 'Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper'): garage
Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island: Ibiza
lafarjik - Lacking in energy ('I feel all lafarjik'): lethargic
OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs: hello
paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport: newspaper
reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ('I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig'): rebound
Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday: Southend
tan - The city of London, the big smoke: town
webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ('Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour'): whereabouts
wonnid - Desired, needed or Wanted by the police: wanted
zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ('I told ya a fazzand times already'): exaggerate
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