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School Answering Machine - Joke or True?

Funny Answering Machine Messages

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School Answering Machine - Joke or True?

This is the message that a School staff in the Worcester area voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.

This is the actual answering machine message for the school. It came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and Parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.

The school and teachers are now being threatened with legal action by some parents who want their children's failing marks changed to passing marks - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the term and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their various key stages.

The Message:School Answering Machine - Joke or True?

'Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.  In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

  • To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
  • To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2
  • To complain about what we do - Press 3
  • To swear at staff members - Press 4
  • To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your Newsletter and several letters posted to you - Press 5
  • If you want us to bring up your child - Press 6
  • If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
  • To complain about school lunches - Press 8
  • To complain about bus transport - Press 9

LASTLY:

If you realize this is the real world, and your child must be accountable and responsible for their own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a really wonderful day!

True, or Joke

Are the above funny answering machine messages True, or Joke, Will and Guy are still waiting for a parent, or more likely a pupil, to give us the phone number so that we can check it out.

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Mr Packer's History

Mr Packer was trying to get his Year 7 history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish conquistadores.

'How would you feel,' Mr Packer asked, 'if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a little afraid?'

'Nope,' Dennis answered, 'I'd just reckon it was my sister's new boyfriend.'

Could do better

Little Dwayne wasn't getting good marks in his schoolwork.

One day Dwayne made his teacher rather surprised. He walked up to her and said, 'I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking.'

Student Joke from America:

When you walk into the classroom and say 'good morning' ....
When they say 'good morning' back ..... it's Freshmen.
When they put their newspapers down and open their books ..... it's Sophomores.
When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers ..... it's Juniors.
When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading..... it's Seniors.
When they write it down .........it's Graduate students.

Will Richard Notice?

»

Richard, a fresher, at USC [University of Southern California] 'phoned his Mother one evening from his college room and asked her for some money because he was flat broke.

His Mother sighed, 'OK, Richard. I will send you some money. Then she added, 'Oh by the way, you also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?'

'Ummm, oh yeah, you better, yes, OK,' Richard replied vaguely.

So his Mum wrapped the book along with the cheques in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she returned, Dad inquired, 'Well how much did you give the boy this time?'

'Oh, I wrote two cheques, one for $20, and the other for $1,000 out to him.'

'That's $1020!' yelled Dad, 'Are you mad, have you gone totally bonkers?'

'Don't worry darling,' Richard's Mother answered with a wide grin, 'I taped the $20 cheque to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!'

 

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