Funny Pig Stories and Pictures
Funny Pig Stories and Pictures
What is it about pigs that generates so much mirth? Even when you see live pigs they always seem to be up to mischief, or have just returned from an adventure.
NIGEL JOHNSON-HILL, PARK FARM, LIPHOOK GU30 7JF
Rt Hon David Milliband MP
1st July 2007
Dear Secretary of State Milliband
My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would like to join the 'not rearing pigs' business.
In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pig not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy. I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are too many people already not rearing these?
As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there Government or Local Authority courses on this?
My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.
I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 Million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all of these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gas?
Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?
I am also considering the 'not milking cows' business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?
In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits.
I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.
Old farmer Jethro and his wife Aggie were walking down to their pig-pen when Aggie dropped into the conversation that next month was their golden wedding anniversary.
Aggie continued, 'Let's have a party, Jethro, and invite all our children and grand-children. And why don't we kill one of our prize pigs to celebrate?'
Jethro thought about this and scratched his head and replied. 'Gee, Aggie, I don't see why that pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.'
Miss Piggy Pictures Found
I just found some naked photos of Miss Piggy floating in Kermit's pond.
Looks like frog's porn to me.
In a small town just south of Hicksville, seven pig farmers from the surrounding area met to discuss important topics, such as boundaries, the price of feed, and who has the best tractor. After a while Jessie one of the farmer's wives, interrupted the meeting and spoke about the need to prudent at this time.
When she had finished, Karl one of the old farmers stood up and said, 'What does Jessie know about anything?' I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?'
Quick as a flash, Jessie replied, 'Why, take off your boots Karl, and count them yourself!'
Here is simply the most wonderful children's nursery rhyme. The trick is to tickle the child's toes as you recite the verse:
The words for 'This little piggy' nursery rhyme are used to point out each one of the child's toes. The last line in 'This little piggy' is used to accompany the child being tickled by the narrator of the poem. This rhyme is extremely popular which ensures that it will be passed from generation to generation.
The first publication date for the words and lyrics for this nursery rhyme was in 1728.
Will remembers playing 'This Little Piggy Went to Market' with his children when they were young.
Other Pig Stories
The phrase "sweating like a pig" actually has nothing to do with the animal that you might find on a farm. Instead, it refers to iron "sows" and "piglets" made when smelting pig iron. In traditional iron smelting, liquid iron is poured into a mould shaped like one long line with many smaller lines branching off of it at right angles.
This looks similar to piglets feeding from their mother, so these pieces became known as pigs. After the pigs are poured into the sand, they cool, causing the surrounding air to reach its dew point and turn into moisture on the pigs, like they are sweating. When the pig is sweating, it's cool enough to be moved.
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