While working as a radiology technician in a hospital emergency room, I took some X-rays of a trauma patient and took the results to the senior radiologist, who studied the multiple fractures of the femurs
'What on earth happened to this patient?' he asked in astonishment. 'He fell out of a tree,' according to the report.
The radiologist wanted to know what the patient was doing up a tree. 'I'm not
sure, but his paperwork states he works for Mark's Expert Tree Pruning Service.'
Gazing intently at the X-rays, the radiologist blinked and said, 'Cross out 'expert.'
Did you hear why Cyclops had to close his school? He only had one
A surgeon was giving a lecture on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, he said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A joker at the back shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
More Funny Medical Terms Used by Doctors
The hospital board asked doctors for their opinions concerning a proposed
new new wing for their hospital. This was what they said:
The Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas.
The Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
The Sunday Times explanation for the extinction of the dinosaurs :-
The extinction may well have occurred when a steroid hit the Earth.
Another newspaper misprint :- The Welsh international had to
withdraw when the cut turned sceptic.
From a Sunday newspaper :- The surgeon said he'd removed my momentum
- the funny apron of fat that covers the intestines. [The omentum
is the medical name for the sheet of fat that covers abdominal organs.]
From an article on stomach trouble :- Doctors are beginning to
accept that stomach ulcers are infectious. They are caused by a bug
called Helicopter. [Real name Helicobacter pylori.]
The Worksop Bugle recently carried a news report about a chap who'd
happily "recovered from a tuna of the kidney". [Salad days ahead?]
An excerpt from 'Pulse' magazine :- If we are over-diagnosing
asthma, then we must be under-diagnosing the other causes of nocturnal
cough, such as post-natal drip. [Slip of the 's', post-nasal drip.]
From a national newspaper :- Cutting down on fats reduces the risk
of heart disease. Try to choose unsaturated fats, which are found in red
meat, milk, cheese, coconut oil, palm oil and butter ........ [Most of
those contain SATURATED fats which would CAUSE a heart attack.]
A transplant surgeon has called for a ban on "kidneys-for-ale"
From the South Wales Evening Post :- Cash plea to aid dyslexic
An interesting health tip from Q magazine :- In America you can buy
melatonin as a vitamin supplement. It is a hormone that your
penile gland secretes when it gets dark. [Actually, melatonin is
produced by the pineal gland.]
A Florida schoolgirl won top prize with a science project proving that toilet water is cleaner than ice in fast food restaurants. Jasmine Roberts, 12, of New Tampa, tested her theory in five local restaurants,
reports Tampa Bay's
'My hypothesis was that the fast food restaurants'
ice would contain more bacteria that the fast food restaurants'
toilet water, 'she said. Jasmine says at each restaurant she
flushed the toilet once, then used sterile gloves to gather samples. She also collected ice from soda fountains and asked for cups of ice at drive thru windows. She then tested the samples at a lab.
Jasmine said: 'I found that 70% of the time, the ice from the fast food restaurant's
contain more bacteria than the fast food restaurant's
Her project won the science fair at Benito Middle
School, and she hopes to win the top prize at a regional science and engineering fair.
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