Funny Loser of Week
Will and Guy's Candidates for Funny Loser of Week
'If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.' Bill Lyon
1) Fit of Pique
An angry husband who threw old clothes into the garden and set fire to them because he couldn't find any clean underpants accidentally burnt his home down. Ivo Jerbic, 55, from Prikraj, near Zagreb, Croatia, told police he had lost his temper after failing to find any clean underpants in a cupboard full of old clothes. He had thrown them all in the garden and set fire to them. He told police, 'My wife never throws anything out, I just lost my temper.' The fire spread to the house which burned to the ground.
Croatian news agency Hina reports that Jerbic could end up in jail for up to eight years for putting other family members in danger, even though no one was injured.
A Dutch man has been ordered to buy a dog license because of his barking doorbell. Gerrit Bruintjes has a computer controlled doorbell of the family home in Oldenzaal, reports a Netherlands news portal. It can play 15 different 'chimes' but he has it set to bark like a dog in honour of the family's pet German shepherd which died a few years ago.
A tax inspector recently called at the home when they were out and, after ringing the bell, left a demand for them to buy a dog license. Mr Bruintjes said, 'Last year we had big trouble in convincing the tax inspector, we have no dog in the house, and this year we had to go through the same thing again. My wife arrived a minute later and had big trouble convincing the tax inspector we had no dog at all.'
Is this King Canute, or his great grandson trying to turn the tide?
4) Thief Loser
An Austrian handbag snatcher was shocked to find himself being chased by 27 police patrol cars and police using sniffer dogs reports Ananova online. The 17-year-old had grabbed a pensioner's bag outside a field where local police were staging a road safety day. A bus driver who witnessed the attack raised the alarm, and minutes later all the police at the event at Traun in Austria were off in pursuit. The thief, who suddenly found the whole area full of police cars, was caught as he tried to hide in a multi-story car park.
I'm tired this morning. For several years, I've been blaming
it on middle age, iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, under-arm odour, and a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living.
The population of this country [USA] is 200 Million. Eighty-four Million are retired. That leaves 116 Million to do the work. There are 75 Million in school, which leaves 41 Million to do the work. Of this total, there are 22 Million employed by the government. That leaves 19 Million to do the work.
Four Million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 Million to do the work. Take from that the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting there reading this. No wonder I'm tired!
This week's loser is an absolute cracker say Will and Guy. Picture the scene: an idyllic bar in a quiet area of Sydney, Australia.
Then a group of masked thieves rush in attempting to rob the Regents Park Bowling and Recreation Club. They come charging into the bar wielding machetes and samurai swords and shouting at the customers to lie on the floor.
Unknown to the robbers is that in an adjoining room to the bar a 50 strong biker gang is holding its monthly meetings. Imagine the prospective burglars horror when the bike gang, seeing their pub being invaded, turn their anger on the robbers.
The bikers, belonging to the Southern Cross Cruiser Club, chased one robber away: he had to smash his way out through a locked glass door, leap off a 16 foot balcony to make his escape.
Southern Cross Cruiser Club* president, Jerry Van Cornewal aka Jester, reported how he captured the sword-wielding offender. 'He tried to jump over the fence but I crash-tackled him again and then a couple of boys arrived and grabbed him, held him down . . . then we hog-tied him until police arrived.'
'If only they'd looked, when they walked in the main door, they would have seen 40 or 50 of us sitting there. Obviously they couldn't see out of the balaclavas', said Jerry.
The other two were apprehended and handed over to the police and they will be charged with attempted robbery.
* The Southern Cross Cruiser Club was formed in 1998 and now has over 80 members both male and female.
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