Gaffes

Will and Guy's Humour - Gaffes

The definition of a gaffe is a mistake or indiscretion, usually made in a social environment.  Here are examples which Will and Guy have unearthed.

• Phone Gaffe
• Game Show Gaffes
• Famous People's Gaffes
• Student Gaffes and Blunders

1) Phone Gaffe

This emergency telephone can be found at Holkham Beach in Norfolk, England

2) Game Show Gaffes

• UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
  Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
  Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?
• THE WEAKEST LINK
  Anne Robinson: In traffic, what ' J' is where two roads meet?
  Contestant: Jool carriageway.
• Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
  Contestant: Bombay.
• Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
  Contestant: Crocodiles.
• Anne Robinson: In olden times,! what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
  Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
• NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
  Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
  Contestant: William Shakespeare.
• BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
  Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
  Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

3) Famous People's Gaffes

• So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year? Christina Aguilera
• Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf: Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh in 1999, to young deaf people in Cardiff, referring to a school's steel band.
• If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it: Prince Philip at a 1986 World Wildlife Fund meeting.
• My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never, surrender to what is right: Dan Quayle [former Vice President USA]
• Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal: General Eisenhower Allied Commander Europe in 2nd World War
• If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive: Samuel Goldwyn

4) Student Gaffes and Blunders Researched for Your Amusement by Will and Guy

Recently published in the British National Daily Newspapers we have found that the brightest and cleverest folk in our country are prone to making gaffes and blunders, particularly in their examinations. Here is a random selection from this year's exam papers:

 In literature, a student from Bath Spa University wrote of Margaret Atwood's book: The Handmaid's Tale shows how patriarchy treats women as 'escape goats.'

A further gem follows when an economics student at City University in London student who attributed Northern Rock's downfall to the 'laxative enforcement policies'.

A student at the University of the West of England in Bristol astonished his tutor by spelling the subject of one of his favourite topics wrong: 'alchol' instead of 'alcohol'. Another wrote 'whom' instead of 'womb' in an anatomy paper, and one replaced the word 'abdominal' with 'abominous'.

A fellow undergraduate concerned by the threat of diseases, wrote: 'Control of infectious diseases is very important in case an academic breaks out.'

Other examples come from students at St Helens College of Art and Design near Liverpool, who were asked to 'outline the importance of the four Noble Truths to the Buddhist faith'. One offered the baffling response: 'Nirvana cannot be described because there are no words in existence for doing so. Not non-existence either, it is beyond the very ideas of existing and not existing.'

Students at the same university were asked to outline the importance of the railway in 19th-century Britain. One wrote: 'The railways were invented to bring the Irish from Dublin to Liverpool where they were promptly arrested for being vagrants', while another responded: 'The railways were invented to take the weight off the motorways.'

My car got hit by a submarine: written on an Insurance claim form. [The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slipway where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim.]

5) Sporting Gaffes - Often Called Colemanballs

•  I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel: Stuart Pearce [former England soccer player]
• Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot: Ray Wilkins [former England soccer player]speaking on BBC1 TV
• For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip: John Motson - BBC TV football commentator
• Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer: David Acfield [former cricketer and TV commentator]

Other Types of Gaffes Include

Spoonerisms - Transpose initial letters
Lack of pies (Pack of lies)
Our queer old dean  (Dear old Queen)

Malapropisms - Misuse or misplace a word
He's a wolf in cheap clothing
Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel
Escape goats (see above).

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