Funny Credit Crunch Jokes
These credit crunch jokes and funny pictures may seem callous. However, in times of adversity, humour is the best medicine.
So far Will and Guy's friends who are in most the most dire straights have laughed the most. It's as though they need something awful, but funny, to snap them out of their gloom, and spur them into doing something about their financial predicament.
* The Isle of Dogs is part of the East End of London. Think of a map of the river Thames, the Isle of Dogs is in the biggest loop.
2009 Nobel Prize Winner
Nobel Prize in Economics: The Nobel 2009 goes to Ms Jones for keeping her savings at home
This is one of those slow burning funnies. It took me a while before I spotted the slot machine inside the cashpoint.
Economic crisis jokes kindly sent in by Dave Sharpe
The only problem is which bank do they mean? Northern Rock, Goldman Sachs, or even 'The Bank of America?'
A fire alarm, in a large office building, rang at 4pm when almost all of the company's 500 employees were at work. As usual in such circumstances the entire office was evacuated within 3 minutes and every employee gathered outside. Nothing happened for ten minutes or so and there was no evidence of a fire.
Then the firms Security Officer made an announcement:
With melting heart I am making this announcement that for many of you will be your last fire evacuation drill. Due to the recession the company are laying off almost fifty percent of staff. When you move back into the building some of you will discover that your swipe pass card will no longer give you access to the office. If you are among those laid off, go home and all your belongings will be couriered to you tomorrow. The management took this approach to save on overloading the email system with layoff notifications and goodbye messages and also to avoid any violent outbursts inside the office. Hope you have a nice career ahead ... please move forward and try your swipe card.'
This was told to Will and Guy as a true story.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.
The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament after a Parliamentary Enquiry into Trading Practices by Britain's leading Bank Executives is stuck in traffic. Several of the former Bank Executives and CEO's have agreed to return their extravagant Pensions.
Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "What's the hold up Officer?" The policeman replies: "The Chief Executive of the U.K.'s largest Bank has become so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire because of the shame of what he has done."
"Myself and all the other motorcade police officers are taking up a collection because we feel sorry for him."
The lobbyist asks: "How much have you got so far?"
The Officer replies: "About 40 gallons, but a lot of officers are still siphoning."
The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet.
Radio Finance Discussion
Heard on a BBC radio 5 live 'phone in programme' discussing the world economic recession:
Caller:- 'Thanks to my financial adviser I now have a small fortune.
Presenter: That's very interesting, tell me more.
Mind you, I started off with a large fortune.'
Big Issue in the Credit Crunch
Last week Guy talked to his bank manager. The manager, Mr Evans said 'Guy from now on, I am going to concentrate on the big issues*.
Today I saw Mr Evans outside Wal-Mart, and he sold me a copy!
One feature of recession is that we use humour as a safety valve, hence the appeal of 'funny money jokes' in times of crisis.
Hey, before we get started tonight, I want to remind any potential cabinet members you have until April 15th to not pay your taxes, okay?
In early 2008, a Zimbabwe ten million dollar bill was worth less than an American 'sawbuck' $10
By autumn 2008 you needed 100 billion Zimbabwe dollars to buy three eggs.
The Allure of Gold
On her finger, Sonya, an Economics degree student at Sussex University, England, wore a large gold ring which she was flashing all the time. One day she asked her tutor a question.
'What do you think about gold? Will the prices for it drop?'
'No, the prices for gold won't drop until you try to sell this ring to somebody,' he retorted truthfully.
Iceland goes bankrupt, then it manages to set itself on fire. This has insurance scam written all over it. See more Iceland Ash Jokes
We bring you the results of these mergers:
Old Edition of Monopoly
New Credit Crunch Edition of Monopoly
Credit Crunch Bites in UK
Queen revives 'can do' spirit.
I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the lady behind the counter asked, "Can one afford fries with that?"
The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy beer and cigarettes, since these are the only products still produced in the USA.
The Shepherd and The Banker
A suited man, an investment banker, is striding along a road in the countryside and he comes across a shepherd and with his flock of sheep. Being a gambler, he tells the shepherd, 'I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.'
The shepherd thinks it over, it's a huge flock so he accepts the bet.
The banker parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location. From there he feeds the data to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
Within seconds he receives an email on his Smart phone that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his phone and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, 'You have exactly 261 sheep'.
The shepherd is astonished because the banker's figure is exactly correct. He says, 'OK, I'm a man of my word, take a sheep.' The investment banker selects one of the animals and begins to walk away.
'Wait,' yells the shepherd, 'Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.' The banker agrees readily.
'You are a government investment banker,' says the shepherd.
'Easy,' says the shepherd, 'give me back my sheep dog, and I will tell you.'
"No guessing required.' answered the shepherd. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about sheep.
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