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Funny Credit Crunch Jokes

Funny Credit Crunch Jokes Funny Credit Crunch Jokes

These credit crunch jokes and funny pictures may seem callous.  However, in times of adversity, humour is the best medicine.

So far Will and Guy's friends who are in most the most dire straights have laughed the most.  It's as though they need something awful, but funny, to snap them out of their gloom, and spur them into doing something about their financial predicament.

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Credit Crunch One Liners

  • Latest news: The Isle of Dogs* Bank has collapsed. 
    They've called in the retrievers.
  • How do you define an optimist?
    A bank manager who irons 5 shirts on Sunday night.
  • I went to buy a toaster and it came with a bank.
  • A man went to his bank manager and said, 'I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?'
    'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'
  • What's the difference between an investment banker and a pizza Margherita? 
    A pizza Margherita can feed a family of five.
  • A director decided to award a prize of £50 for the best idea of saving the company money during the recession. It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to £10.

* The Isle of Dogs is part of the East End of London.  Think of a map of the river Thames, the Isle of Dogs is in the biggest loop.

2009 Nobel Prize Winner

Credit Crunch Jokes

Nobel Prize in Economics: The Nobel 2009 goes to Ms Jones for keeping her savings at home

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New Cashpoint

Credit Crunch Jokes

This is one of those slow burning funnies.  It took me a while before I spotted the slot machine inside the cashpoint.

The Economy is So Bad That:What's the capital of Iceland?

  • I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
  • A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
  • CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
  • The Mafia is laying off judges.
  • If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
  • Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
  • McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
  • Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
  • Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
  • Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

Economic crisis jokes kindly sent in by Dave Sharpe

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Bank on Sale at eBayNokia - Disconnecting people

Bank for sale on ebay

The only problem is which bank do they mean?  Northern Rock, Goldman Sachs, or even 'The Bank of America?'

A Funny Way To Find You Have Lost Your Job

A fire alarm, in a large office building, rang at 4pm when almost all of the company's 500 employees were at work. As usual in such circumstances the entire office was evacuated within 3 minutes and every employee gathered outside. Nothing happened for ten minutes or so and there was no evidence of a fire.

Then the firms Security Officer made an announcement:

'Dear employees,

With melting heart I am making this announcement that for many of you will be your last fire evacuation drill. Due to the recession the company are laying off almost fifty percent of staff. When you move back into the building some of you will discover that your swipe pass card will no longer give you access to the office. If you are among those laid off, go home and all your belongings will be couriered to you tomorrow. The management took this approach to save on overloading the email system with layoff notifications and goodbye messages and also to avoid any violent outbursts inside the office. Hope you have a nice career ahead ... please move forward and try your swipe card.'

This was told to Will and Guy as a true story.

Scandal

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.
Oh Great!!

The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

See more scandals

Police Take Up a Collection

A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament after a Parliamentary Enquiry into Trading Practices by Britain's leading Bank Executives is stuck in traffic. Several of the former Bank Executives and CEO's have agreed to return their extravagant Pensions.

Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "What's the hold up Officer?" The policeman replies: "The Chief Executive of the U.K.'s largest Bank has become so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire because of the shame of what he has done."

"Myself and all the other motorcade police officers are taking up a collection because we feel sorry for him."

The lobbyist asks: "How much have you got so far?"

The Officer replies: "About 40 gallons, but a lot of officers are still siphoning."

 

Footnote:
Funny Credit Crunch Jokes kindly sent in by Neville Cresdee

Increased Pain During the Credit CrunchNew Gas Meter

Recession Painkiller

Cars in the Credit Crunch

The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet. 
My car's been repossessed.

Credit Crunch GasHurry Up

More Funny Credit Crunch Jokes

Radio Finance DiscussionFunny Credit Crunch Discussion

Heard on a BBC radio 5 live 'phone in programme' discussing the world economic recession:

Caller:- 'Thanks to my financial adviser I now have a small fortune.

Presenter:  That's very interesting, tell me more.

Pause.................

Money Bags

Mind you, I started off with a large fortune.'

Big Issue in the Credit Crunch

Last week Guy talked to his bank manager.  The manager, Mr Evans said 'Guy from now on, I am going to concentrate on the big issues*. The Big Issue - Credit Crunch Joke

Today I saw Mr Evans outside Wal-Mart, and he sold me a copy!

Footnote*
The Big Issue is a UK magazine sold by the homeless.

¤¤

Beware of Funny Money in the Credit Crisis

One feature of recession is that we use humour as a safety valve, hence the appeal of  'funny money jokes' in times of crisis.

2008 Bank Crisis - funny fake bank note

Hey, before we get started tonight, I want to remind any potential cabinet members you have until April 15th to not pay your taxes, okay?

Real Funny Money

In early 2008, a Zimbabwe ten million dollar bill was worth less than an American 'sawbuck' $10

Zimbabwe ten million dollar bill

By autumn 2008 you needed 100 billion Zimbabwe dollars to buy three eggs.

Zimbabwe ten million dollar bill

The Allure of Gold

On her finger, Sonya, an Economics degree student at Sussex University, England, wore a large gold ring which she was flashing all the time. One day she asked her tutor a question.

'What do you think about gold? Will the prices for it drop?'

'No, the prices for gold won't drop until you try to sell this ring to somebody,' he retorted truthfully.

What's the Capital of Iceland?

What's the capital of Iceland?

No it's not Reykjavik, see here for the answer

Iceland goes bankrupt, then it manages to set itself on fire. This has insurance scam written all over it.   See more Iceland Ash Jokes

Because of the ongoing market turmoil several companies are merging in order to surviveDownjones

We bring you the results of these mergers:

  • Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace
  • 3M and Goodyear will merge and become: MMMGood
  • FedEx is expected to join its competitor UPS to become: FedUP
  • Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild

Old Edition of Monopoly

New Gas Meter

New Credit Crunch Edition of Monopoly

Monopoly - Special Credit Crunch Edition

Credit Crunch Bites in UK

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Queen revives 'can do' spirit.

Queen works at MacDonalds

I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the lady behind the counter asked, "Can one afford fries with that?"

Economic Downturn Clean Yet Funny Banker Jokes Credit Crunch - Funny Pictures

  1. The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market. - Jay Leno
  2. The economy is in big trouble. Yesterday in a big speech, President Bush said the economy was still getting over the hangover from the 90's. And then, the President admitted, he was still getting over his hangover from the 80's. Conan O'Brien
  3. 'Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - Goodbye,' says Guy.
  4. The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.
  • If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China
  • If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs
  • If we purchase a computer it will go to India
  • If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala
  • If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan
  • If we purchase something useless it will go to Taiwan........whoops, sorry...............................
    and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy beer and cigarettes, since these are the only products still produced in the USA.

The Shepherd and The Banker

A suited man, an investment banker, is striding along a road in the countryside and he comes across a shepherd and with his flock of sheep.  Being a gambler, he tells the shepherd, 'I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.'

The shepherd thinks it over, it's a huge flock so he accepts the bet.

The banker parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location.  From there he feeds the data to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

 Within seconds he receives an email on his Smart phone that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his phone and, after a few minutes, receives a response.  Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, 'You have exactly 261 sheep'.

The shepherd is astonished because the banker's figure is exactly correct.  He says, 'OK, I'm a man of my word, take a sheep.'  The investment banker selects one of the animals and begins to walk away.

'Wait,' yells the shepherd, 'Let me have a chance to get even.  Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.' The banker agrees readily.

'You are a government investment banker,' says the shepherd.
'Good grief!' splutters the banker, 'You are exactly right, tell me, how did you deduce that?'

'Easy,' says the shepherd, 'give me back my sheep dog, and I will tell you.'

"No guessing required.' answered the shepherd. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about sheep.

 

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