February Jokes that Make Will and Guy Laugh

Jokes for February that made Will and Guy Laugh

The name February is derived from the Latin februa, signifying the festivals of purification.  Here are this months selection of Will and Guy's best jokes. 

• Cats - 4 Boasters
• Collective Nouns
• Did you know that?
• Dog House - Poor Pole
• Funny Shop Names
• Funny Words
• Gaffes
• English Menu (Ingliz Menuyu)
• Medical Terms
• Mosquito Sound Repels Teenagers
• One-liner Jokes for Comedians
• Oxymoron - Good selection
• The Boarding Party
• Thoughts to Ponder - Why?
• Valentine's Day Jokes

Special Occasions in February

• Groundhog Day
• Candlemas
• Dates for February
• Shrove Tuesday
• Valentine's Day Jokes
• Zodiac Signs - February

Here is a selection of our jokes for February:

Our mission is to amuse you with a wide variety of jokes, amusing anecdotes and thought provoking images.  We also aim to surprise, but never shock you.

Coincidences

On February 13, 1746, a Frenchman, Jean Marie Dubarry, was executed for the murder of his father. Precisely 100 years later, on February 13, 1846, another Frenchman, also named Jean Marie Dubarry, was executed - for the murder of his father.

Why do Women have Two Hands?

Product Information

On a bar of Palmolive soap: 'Directions: Use like regular soap' .
(And that would be how???)

On some frozen dinners: 'Serving suggestion: Defrost' .
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): 'Do not turn upside down' .
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

Funny Shop Names

• Bob Forster from Shipton-under-Wychwood in Oxon, UK has found a local plumber whose van announces: 'The Lone Drainer - he come pronto.'
• 'A Pane in the Glass' is the name of a glazier's in New York State, USA.
• I have seen two of his examples, one in Croydon named 'The Vinyl Frontier' ; a shop which sells second hand records;

Questions to Ponder

• Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 
• If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation? 
• Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

The following are reportedly English subtitles used in movies from Hong Kong.

1. I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
3. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
4. Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken
5. Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.
6. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
7. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
8. You daring lousy guy.
9. Beat him out of recognizable shape!
10. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.
11. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
12. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
13. How can you use my intestines as a gift?
14. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

See more good jokes and funny stories for each month:

● Jokes Months   ● January   ● February   ● March   ● April   ● May   ● June 

● July   ● August   ● September   ● October   ● November   ● December   ● Home

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