Jokes for April that Make Will and Guy Laugh

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Jokes for April that made Will and Guy Laugh

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. Mae West

April Topics

Special Occasions in April

Here is a selection of our jokes for April:

Wash it Again

My mother had decided to trim the household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, 'Just think, Ivor, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.'

'Good, 'my dad quickly replied.' Wash it again.'

Actual call centre conversations!

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'. Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.

General Jokes

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

Indian Humour

Gullu Bhai was sitting on his porch, when this man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

'What can I do for you?' Gullu politely asked.' Are you selling something?'

'No, sir, I'm not. I'm a Census Enumerator.'
'A what?'

'A Census Enumerator. We' re trying to find out how many people there are in India.'
'You're wasting your time here. I have no idea.'

®

Funny Put Downs

1) He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

2) He - Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
She - Okay, get out.

3) Better a witty fool than a foolish wit: Shakespeare

4) She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman: Oscar Wilde

Best of the Best Heroic Failures

a) The worst homing-pigeon: This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil.

b) The least successful exhibition: The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents held an exhibition at Harrogate, Yorkshire in 1968. The entire display fell down.

Call Center Jokes - Directory Enquiries

Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.

Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'

Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.

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