Funny Fitness Workouts
Lose weight and have a laugh.
Will's Funny Fitness Workout
The Doctor has told Will that he should start a fitness programme.
........and Will, not wanting to harm his old, rather corpulent, body, has decided to put the following weekly regimen into practise:
Beat around the bush several times
Drag my heels constantly
Bend over backwards
Advise the Prime Minister how to run the country
Open a can of worms
Pick up the pieces
Kneel in prayer
Jack, decidedly overweight, and not at all bright, asks Doctor Mayo at
Portchester Health Centre, for help in losing weight. The doctor advises
Jack to run 10 miles a day for 30 days.
Jack, naturally very excited, follows Doctor Mayo's advice to the letter, and, after thirty days, he is delighted to find that he has, indeed, lost twenty pounds.
Delighted, Jack 'phones Doctor Mayo and thanks her profusely for the wonderful advice which had produced such a tremendous result.
At the end of the conversation, however, he asks one last question, 'How do I get home now, Doctor, since I am some 300 miles away?'
Hiring a good fitness coach can be a challenge, but it's not hard to tell if you've hired the wrong one. Look for these signs. If any of them are true about your fitness coach, you've definitely hired the wrong one.
And the Number 1 reason...
Ten Excellent and Funny Thoughts About Walking
You could walk this over to your friends but it's less hassle to just e-mail it to them.
Will wanted to include this last quote: I don't jog............. it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
This story is allegedly true, and is about one of the finest athletes Will and Guy have ever seen: Michael Johnson.
Apparently the Olympic gold medal runner was on his way to a night club with some friends. At the door, the bouncer turned to him and said, 'Sorry, mate, you can't come in here, no denim allowed.'
Michael was quite upset at this and retorted, 'Don't you know who I am? I'm Michael Johnson.' 'Then it won't take you long to run home and change, will it?' concluded the bouncer with finality.
Repartee Take 2
John, a regular runner, asks his wife, Jayne, 'What do you love most about me? My tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?' 'What I love most about you,' responded Jayne quickly, 'is your enormous sense of humour.'
You realise how your body has changed when your children look through your wedding photos and want to know who mum's first husband was.
Paula had been driving all night and was still at least six hours away from her destination. It was almost ten o'clock in the morning and she was extremely fatigued. After dozing off and nearly crashing into a telephone pole, she decided to pull into a lay-by and rest. Paula switched off the engine and closed her eyes and drifted off, gratefully, to sleep.
As she did an old man in a bright yellow jogging tracksuit knocked on her window, scaring her half to death. 'Sorry to wake you, ma'am,' he huffed, jogging on the spot, 'But can you tell me what time it is?'
Paula glanced at her watch. '10:00,' she answered through the window.
The old man thanked her, then left.
'Just my luck,' she muttered. 'I'm parked on someone's jogging route.' With a sigh, she settled back into her seat and tried again to fall asleep.
Two male joggers in their thirties knocked on her window. If she hadn't been so dead tired, she may have found them attractive. Now, they were just annoying.
'Hi,' said the first.
'Do you have the time?' his fair-haired friend asked.
Paula let out a big sigh and said, looking at her watch. '10:08.'
'Thanks,' they smiled as they jogged off.
Paula looked down the road and saw more joggers coming her way. Now irritated, she found a pen from the glove box and scrawled: 'I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME' on the back of a magazine. She put the hastily constructed sign in the window and settled back to sleep.
Soon a thin, pale jogger knocked on the window just as she had started dozing off.
Paula pointed at the sign and shouted, 'For goodness sake, can't you read?'
To which he replied, 'Sure I can, ma'am. I just wanted to let you know: It's 10:15.'
Will's therapist told him that the way to achieve true inner peace was to remember to always finish what he started. So today, Will has finished 2 bags of potato crisps, a gallon of ice-cream, two buckets of chicken, and a chocolate cake. He feels much better already.
Some Thought Provoking Quotes: Funny Diet Quotes
Moderate exercise increased the size of the hippocampus, an area of the brain that makes memories, in 120 volunteers. The year-long trial, published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, showed performance on memory tests also improved.
Exercise may buffer against dementia as well as age-related memory loss. The latest work looked at healthy people in their 60s rather than people with Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia.
In the UK, 820,000 people have dementia, and this figure is set to double by 2030.
Until a cure is discovered, finding cheap and simple ways to reverse this trend is imperative, say experts.
Did Fitness Work Out?
Needing to shed a few pounds, Robert, and his wife Jennifer, went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. They followed the instructions extremely closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for their individual portions. Robert and Jennifer felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful; they had never felt better, nor did they ever feel hungry.
As time progressed, Robert and Jennifer realized that they were, in fact, putting on weight and not losing it. They decided that they ought to check the detail of the recipes just one more time. It was then that they found their error.
There, in small print, Robert and Jennifer saw, to their horror: 'Serves 6'.
When It's Time to Workout!
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