I'm on a whiskey diet. I have lost three days already.
Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said: I want a skip outside my house. He said: I'm not stopping you.
I became a member of The Secret Seven. It's so secret, I have no idea who the other six are...
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'
A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, Have you got anything for wind? So he gave me a kite.