Polish Jokes and Funny Stories

Will and Guy's Collection of Polish HumourPolish Jokes and Funny Stories

Q: Why can't they use the new football stadium in Warsaw?
A: No matter where you sit, you were behind a Pole.

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Janek Warszawski Marries a Welsh Girl

Janek was born and raised in Poland, last year he decided to follow his sister Krystyna to the United Kingdom.

Shortly after Janek obtained his official UK registration certificate he fell in love with Sian Hopkins of Cardiff, and following a whirl-wind romance they were married.  Although Janek's English was not perfect, and Sian's first language was Welsh, they got along very well.

One day the Janek rushed into Cardiff Law Firm's office and asked Jones the solicitor to arrange a divorce from his Welsh wife Sian.  Mr Jones said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked the Pole the following questions:

Janek, have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre of land and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
Most of my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Sian has a hi-fidelity stereo and I have a DVD player.

Does Sian beat you up?
No, I always get up first.

Is your wife a nagger?
Certainly not, she's Celtic.

Why then, do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me.

She buy a bottle at chemist and put on my shelf in bathroom.
I can read English pretty good, and it say:-

...(vr3)

Polish Remover

More Classic Polish Jokes

Bad Polish Driver - Mr Prawo JazdyPolice Humour

Prawo Jazdy is like the Scarlet Pimpernel, he keeps cropping up all over the place.  He's wanted for over 40 driving offences all over Ireland.  Now, Prawo is clever because every each time the *Garda arrest him, his driving licence has a different address.  Every man in the *Garda has a different theory about how this Will-o'-the-Wisp escapes the clutches of the law.  Finally, the penny dropped, Prawo Jardy is not a person's name, but the Polish words for Driving Licence.

The Garda had caught 47 different Polish drivers, but thought they were dealing with the same man.  Naturally, the Polish community in Ireland are having a good laugh about Mr Prawo Jazdy.

*Garda are the Irish Police force.

 ф

 Eye Test for Driving LicenceFunny Polish driving test

A Polish immigrant, called Eryk Kowalski, went to the DVLA to apply for a driving licence.

One of the first tasks was to take a sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters.  On the bottom row were these letters: 'W A L C Z A K'

'Can you read this?'  Asked the tester.

'Read it?'  Eryk said with glee - 'I know that man.'

#

Unfortunate Polish Husband Banished to the Dog HouseStor of Polish husband in dog house

Last February, Zdzislaw Bukarowcz, a seventy-seven year old Polish man from Scinawa, lived in a dog's kennel for two weeks.  It was all the work of his zona*, Mrs Bukarowcz, her reason for dishing out this punishment was because Zdzislaw repeatedly came home drunk.

She chained him to the kennel and fed him on dog food;  Zdzislaw was given water from a dog bowl.  At night the temperatures often dropped to minus 20 degrees Celsius.

Pani Bukarowcz told reporters that she was sick of him wasting all their money on vodka. His drinking companions, worried by his non-attendance in the pub, eventually freed him from his imprisonment in the dog house and called the police.

* Zona is Polish for wife.  Pani means Mrs in Polish.  (We would like to know the Polish for 'Dog house')

Polish One-linersPolish Jokes and Funny Stories

Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
A: Turn off the merry-go-round.

Q: Did you hear about the man who was Polishing the flagpole?
A: He varnished into thin air!

Q: 'Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?'
A: 'No I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?'

At the Cock Fight

Q: How do you know if a Polak is at a cock fight?
A: He's the one with a duck under his arm.

Q: How do you know if an Italian is there?
A: He's bet on the duck.

Q: How do you know if the Mafia is there?
A: The duck wins.

 

Polish Man Working

...(v3r)

Polish Man Working

Bloke from Poland!

Picture kindly sent in by Alistair.

 

Footnote: Please write to Guy if you have a funny Polish joke.

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