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Hilarious Sayings

Will and Guy's Collection of Hilarious SayingsHilarious Sayings

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Will Rogers

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Hilarious Sayings

In this collection we have a variety of sayings that we found funny.  Behind the words each had a thought provoking message.

  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
  • I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem.  - Ashleigh Brilliant
  • Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.  - Jerome K. Jerome
  • Pay no attention to what the critics say; no statue has ever been erected to a critic. - Jean Sibelius
  • Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have film.
  • Is life worth living?  It all depends on the liver. - William James
  • If you dig a hole for someone else, you'll fall into it. - Hungarian proverb
  • See more funny quotes.

Thought Provoking Sayings

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.

Life is far too important to be taken seriously.

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Mirthful QuotesClean Hilarious Jokes

Most of these amusing sayings can be attributed to their author, while others remain anonymous.

  • I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx
  • Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
  • You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.  They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine". - Tommy Cooper.
  • Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.  This describes everything you are not.
  • When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
  • The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.  - Friedrich Nietzsche
  • When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. - Oscar Wilde
  • When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
 

More Hilarious Sayings

  • Wife who put husband in doghouse, soon find him in cat house.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder - Anon
  • It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.  - Scott Elledge
  • I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure - Clarence Darrow
  • I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. - Jerome K. Jerome
  • Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it - Gene Perret
  • An angel leaves no forwarding address, they ask nothing in return.
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Funny Valentine's Day Sayings

  • 'When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain'. Mark Twain
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man.
    I told her to rub her eyes. Emo Philips
  • See more Valentine sayings.

Footnote:
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See more collections of hilarious jokes, one-liners and tall stories:

Bumper Jokes  • Good Jokes   • Hilarious jokes   • Hilarious one-liners   • Funny Jokes

Man Jokes   • Clean Woman Jokes   • Pub Jokes   • Irish Jokes   • Hilarious sayings

Short Jokes   • Bad jokes that are funny   • Heroic Failures   • Home - Clean jokes