Here are two different slants on 'Preparing a Turkey'.
Turkey Weather Report
Early Morning Thanksgiving Day The temperature of turkeys will gradually rise throughout Thanksgiving
day. However, at dawn when the birds stare at the frost in their
chiller compartment, the ambient temperature may only be 10°F.
By 10 o'clock the turkeys will start to thaw as they see the light of day.
At about 11 o'clock a warm Chinook wind from the fan oven will raise their
temperature rapidly to 200°F.
Mid-day Heat By 12 o'clock the cook's temperature may
well reach fever levels. Furthermore, you may also notice an increase
in humidity especially in the kitchen. In these turbulent conditions,
be surrounded by an area of high wind-chill, the result maybe a cold shoulder
for you. Beware, pestering one's mother too much may lead to a tornado in the
Afternoon Forecast By about 2:30 pm the warm weather
condition will have stabilized, and as a result the turkey
will have tanned nicely. Now a steel carving knife will cut across the
bird's flanks, and
slices of turkey will descend on the guests' plates.
A precipitation of cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes will make the
plates slippery. You may also experience a gentle drizzle from the
gravy boat. This should also be accompanied by a heavy fall of a
lighter liquid into your wine glass.
Evening Rumble of Thunder Pressure may increase
drastically around the waist band, consequently, storm warnings have been
issued about indigestion. The evening will see the turkey diminishing to
leftovers that can then be distributed to all the guests. As the day
draws to a close you may experience turbulent conditions in the stomach.
Good news, the outlook is that the rumble of thunder in the
intestine will pass by the weekend.