Rita Rudner: My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
George Carlin: We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.
Erma Bombeck: No One Diets on Thanksgiving. What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they
call it Thanksgiving?
Johnny Carson: Thanksgiving is
an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Reba McEntire: To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a
backbone and a funny bone.
How Was the Thanksgiving Turkey for You?
We had grandma for Thanksgiving dinner. Really? We had turkey.
When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a
turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following
Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of
thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was
the cat! David Letterman
Grave Humor What did the hen tell the naughty chicks?
If you your
father could see you now he would turn in his gravy.
Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor occupied a chair of applied electronics
at an important government institution, he was attached to his position
by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.
The Secret of Stuffing a Turkey How many cooks does it take to stuff
a turkey? Only one, but you REALLY have to squeeze to get him in.
The turkey is a funny bird Its head goes bobble-bobble; And all
he knows is just one word... And that is GOBBLE-GOBBLE!
General Inspirational and Amusing Sayings
The Constitution only guarantees the American people
the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans
have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a
day of thanksgiving. H.U. Westermayer
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as
though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.
You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is
without exception. Victor Kiam
I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the
problem. Ashleigh Brilliant
There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old
dog, and ready money. Benjaminn Franklin
Those who can laugh without cause have either found
the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. Norm
There are at least three places in the USA named after this
traditional meal: Turkey in Texas [population 491] Turkey Creek, Louisiana [population 364] Turkey, North Carolina [population 267].
Three towns in Kansas also have the name Turkey.
Bradley Priebe is a miracle child claims his mother, Anna, as she offered up
her own Thanksgiving prayers. While celebrating Thanksgiving Day in Brooklyn,
USA, in a third floor apartment the 14 month old baby fell from an open window
some 20 feet onto a music shop roof below. Bradley not only survived, he didn't
even break a bone. His father Brandon told police that his son wasn't seriously
injured in the fall. The local hospital released the child after a period of
General Quotations Suitable For a Thanksgiving Gathering
Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action. W.J. Cameron
What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the
world remains and is immortal. Albert Pine.
We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting
something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what
we do have. Frederick Keonig.
If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will
change your life mightily. Gerald Good.
What a wonderful life I've had. I only wish I'd realized it sooner.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food. George Bernard Shaw
Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true
measure of our thanksgiving. W. T. Purkiser.
True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known
until it be lost. Charles Caleb Colton
Do not wait for the day of judgement, it takes place every day.
Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man
it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.
Edward Sandford Martin
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you,"
that would suffice. Meister Eckhart
I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself. Oscar Wilde
T ... Turkeys, table-spreads, being together, H ... Happiness and homes to protect us from all weather, A ... Aunts and uncles, a reunion in Fall, N ... Nieces and nephews, family members all. K
... Kind-hearted kin coming over for dinner, S ... Surely you'll have fun, but you won't get thinner,
G ... Gourds and pumpkins, mouths open wide, I ... Indians and Pilgrims we remember with pride,
V ... Very special times-there could even be snow, I ... Imagine what it was like at Plymouth long ago, N ... Never forget how the settlers led the way, G ... Giving thanks and blessing this special day.
The year has turned its circle, The seasons come and go.
The harvest all is gathered in And chilly north winds blow. Orchards have shared their treasures, The fields, their yellow grain,
So open wide the doorway, Thanksgiving comes again.
He who thanks but with the lips Thanks but in part; The full,
the true Thanksgiving Comes from the heart. J.A. Shedd
The First Thanksgiving
So once in every year we throng Upon a day apart, To praise the
Lord with feast and song In thankfulness of heart. Arthur
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