Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

Funny Thanksgiving QuotesFunny Thanksgiving Quotes

The Secret of Stuffing a Turkey
How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?  Only one, but you REALLY have to squeeze to get him in.  Anon.

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Amusing Thanksgiving Quotations From The Famous

  • Rita Rudner: My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
  • George Carlin: We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving.  Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan.  You get more stuffing.
  • Erma Bombeck: No One Diets on Thanksgiving. 
    What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets.  I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
  • Johnny Carson: Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday.  People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year.  And then discover once a year is way too often.
  • Reba McEntire: To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

How Was the Thanksgiving Turkey for You?

We had grandma for Thanksgiving dinner.
Really?
We had turkey.

Amusing Thanksgiving Quotes

  • When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving.  But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog.  Only kidding.  It was the cat!  David Letterman
  • Grave Humor
    What did the hen tell the naughty chicks?
    If you your father could see you now he would turn in his gravy.
  • Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, he was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.
  • The Secret of Stuffing a Turkey
    How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?  Only one, but you REALLY have to squeeze to get him in.Thanksgiving turkey video

Turkey Gobble

The turkey is a funny bird
Its head goes bobble-bobble;
And all he knows is just one word...
And that is GOBBLE-GOBBLE!

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General Inspirational and Amusing Sayings

  • The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. Benjamin Franklin
  • The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.  H.U. Westermayer
  • There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as if everything is. Albert Einstein
  • You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception. Victor Kiam
  • I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem.  Ashleigh Brilliant
  • There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. Benjaminn Franklin
  • Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. Norm Papernick

Turkey Towns

There are at least three places in the USA named after this traditional meal: Turkey in Texas [population 491]
Turkey Creek, Louisiana [population 364]
Turkey, North Carolina [population 267].
Three towns in Kansas also have the name Turkey.

Do you know of any other 'Turkey towns?

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Funny Thanksgiving Quotes for the Meal

  1. We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink.  Epicurus
  2. Old people shouldn't eat health foods.  They need all the preservatives they can get.  Robert Orben
  3. Morning Star Headline
    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  4. It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.  Anon
  5. An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. Irv Kupcinet
  6. Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. Michael Dresser
  7. There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.  Oscar Wilde.
  8. See our funny Christmas quotes.
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Thanksgiving Day Miracle

Bradley Priebe is a miracle child claims his mother, Anna, as she offered up her own Thanksgiving prayers.  While celebrating Thanksgiving Day in Brooklyn, USA, in a third floor apartment the 14 month old baby fell from an open window some 20 feet onto a music shop roof below.  Bradley not only survived, he didn't even break a bone. His father Brandon told police that his son wasn't seriously injured in the fall.  The local hospital released the child after a period of observation.

General Quotations Suitable For a Thanksgiving Gathering

  • Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action. W.J. Cameron
  • What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal. Albert Pine.
  • We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. Frederick Keonig.
  • If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily.  Gerald Good.
  • What a wonderful life I've had. I only wish I'd realized it sooner. Colette
  • There is no sincerer love than the love of food. George Bernard Shaw
  • Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. W. T. Purkiser.
  • True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.  Charles Caleb Colton
  • Do not wait for the day of judgement, it takes place every day.  Albert Camus 
  • Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.  Edward Sandford Martin
  • If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. Meister Eckhart
  • I always pass on good advice.  It is the only thing to do with it.  It is never of any use to oneself.  Oscar Wilde
  • See also funny Christmas quotes.
 

Out of the Mouths ... 

Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

'What are you doing?' Simon enquired.

'Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey,' his grandmother replied.

'Wow, that's cool.' Simon remarked. 'Are you going to hang it next to the deer?'

Thanksgiving Alphabet

T ... Turkeys, table-spreads, being together,Thanksgiving poem
H ... Happiness and homes to protect us from all weather,
A ... Aunts and uncles, a reunion in Fall,
N ... Nieces and nephews, family members all.
K ... Kind-hearted kin coming over for dinner,
S ... Surely you'll have fun, but you won't get thinner,

G ... Gourds and pumpkins, mouths open wide,
I ... Indians and Pilgrims we remember with pride,
V ... Very special times-there could even be snow,
I ... Imagine what it was like at Plymouth long ago,
N ... Never forget how the settlers led the way,
G ... Giving thanks and blessing this special day.

Thanksgiving Poems:

The Year

The year has turned its circle,
The seasons come and go.
The harvest all is gathered in
And chilly north winds blow.
Orchards have shared their treasures,
The fields, their yellow grain,
So open wide the doorway,
Thanksgiving comes again.

Thanks

He who thanks but with the lips
Thanks but in part;
The full, the true Thanksgiving
Comes from the heart.
J.A. Shedd

The First Thanksgiving

So once in every year we throng
Upon a day apart,
To praise the Lord with feast and song
In thankfulness of heart.
Arthur Guiterman.

 

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