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Funny Teacher Stories

Funny Teacher Stories

Will and Guy's selection of funny stories from teachers.  Out of the mouths of babes ....

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Martha and the WhaleTeacher Whale Story

A little girl called Martha was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

Martha stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

Martha replied, 'Then you ask him'.

Know Your Apples - Out of the Mouth of Babes Funny Teacher Stories

Here is the scene: The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Church elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.  The nun made a note, and put it on the apple tray...

'Take only ONE. God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

God Knows?

...(vr3)

Bible funny storiesA nursery school teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to little Sarah who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. Sarah replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Sarah replied, 'They will in a minute'

See more clean religious stories

More Funny Teacher Stories

Boot on the Wrong Foot?

This tale is based on a true story told to Will by a friend [Tessa] who is an nursery schoolteacher in Drayton near Portsmouth; names have been changed to protect the guilty.boots joke

Marlon asked the teacher to help him get his shoes on at the end of a busy day. After quite a struggle with the shoes, which were a little tight, Tessa finally got them on. 'They're on the wrong way round, Miss,' mumbled Marlon.

She realises that he is right; they are on the wrong feet. Staying calm she and swaps them over for him.

'They're not my shoes, Miss', Marlon murmurs again.

Tessa fights hard to keep her cool and asks Marlon why he hadn't told her before. She then kneels down again and helps him pull the shoes off.

'These aren't my shoes, they're my brother's and Mum told me not to tell anyone.'

At this point Tessa can feel tears coming. She helps him back into his shoes. She gets him into his coat and wraps his scarf round his neck.

'Where are your gloves, Marlon?' asks Tessa quietly.

'Oh, Miss, I always put them in my shoes!'Jobs for the boys

Job for the Boys?

Will and Guy were once members of the teaching profession and we have found this amusing quote in the 'Handbook on Health and Safety' published by a British Teachers' Union: 'Every school should have a H&S rep. There are laws that protect their status, they are allowed time to train and perform their duties, and they can close an unsafe school!  If you are interested in doing this please contact the regional centre.'

Will and Guy believe that several pupils have applied for this post!

Funny Teacher Stories - Actual Exam Answers

Dames in the Mississippi

Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria


Question: What was Sir Walter Raleigh famous for?
Answer: He is a noted figure in history because he invented cigarettes and started a craze for bicycles.


Fibula - A little lieQuestion:  Explain the phrase "Free press".
Answer:  When your mother irons trousers for you.


Question:  Where was Hadrian's Wall built?
Answer:  Around Hadrian's garden


Question:  What is a vibration?
Answer:  There are good vibrations and bad vibrations. 
Good vibrations were discovered in the 1960s.Declaration Independence


Question:  Give a reason why people would want to live near a power lines?
Answer:  To get electricity faster.
[That said, can you think of one good reason?!]


Question:  What is the meaning of "Varicose"
Answer:  Nearby


Question:  Name one of the Roman's greatest achievements.
Answer:  To learn Latin.

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2 Polar Bear Question

2 Polar Bear Question

 

Footnote:
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See more funny school jokes, schoolboy howlers and teacher's tales:

Funny school jokes   • Teachers' stories    • More teachers tales   • Funny excuse notes   • Resumés

Back to school jokes   • Back to school stories   • School answering phone   • Schoolboy howlers

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