Short Stories for After Dinner Speeches

Will and Guy's Short Stories (3)

1) Albert's Leaving Presentation

Today we would like to thank Albert for his service to our company.  Albert is someone who does not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunch break, who does not understand the meaning of the word no.  So we have clubbed together and bought Albert a dictionary.

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2) Tommy and his Dad

An old man lived alone in Armagh. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Tommy, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Dear Tommy, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad, 'For Heaven's SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the GUNS!' Love, Tommy.

At 6am, the next morning, a dozen security agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any guns. They apologised to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Tommy.

3) Actual questions asked of Canadian reference librarians:

• Do you have books here?
• Do you have that book by Rushdie, 'Satanic Nurses' ? [Actual title: 'Satanic Verses' ]
• I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months.
• Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?
• Do you have a list of all the books I've ever read?
• Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?

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