Funny Really Short Stories

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Funny Really Short Stories that Tickle Guy and Will's Sense of Humour

Variety truly is the spice of life. When it comes to a story, we have a tale for each social occasion and every mood. Many of these short stories are true - with embellishments. Others have only a grain of truth, whilst the remainder are just tall stories.

Here are examples of our funny really short stories

Our mission is to amuse you with our funny really short stories. While we aim to surprise, we never want to offend or shock you.

Easy to Swallow?

My sister, Paula, and her husband, Chris, had just finished tucking their young ones into bed one evening when they heard crying coming from the children's room. Rushing in, they found Tommy crying hysterically.

He had accidentally swallowed a 5p piece and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Trying to calm him, Chris palmed a 5p coin that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to remove it from Tommy's ear. Tommy, naturally, was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully - 'Do it again, Dad!'

Fake Pigeon Story Pigeon Fake Zhang Liang

Will and Guy bring you the story behind the pigeon story. Zhang Liang, apologized for his 'bad behavior' when he forged a picture of pigeons receiving bird flu vaccine shots from medical workers.

Amazingly this picture won first prize in the 2005 China International Press Photo Contest. 'I would like to apologize to the public,' said Liang, who was dismissed from Harbin Daily.

He copied the pigeon in the top right corner of his photo and pasted it in the top left corner.

'I did it to make the photo perfect,' Zhang was quoted as saying. 'It was the first time for me to perfect pictures with computer technology and I did it only once.'

Heard This One Before?

A man boasts to a friend about his new hearing aid, 'It's the most expensive one I've ever had, it cost me USD$3,500.' [£1800]

Will's experience at Gatwick

After his return from Rome, Will couldn't find his luggage in the London Gatwick airport baggage area. So he went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn't shown up on the carousel. She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.

More Funny Short Stories

Lesson in employee relationship

Fred Gibbs was in his early 60's, retired and had started a second career in catering. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 2, 3, 5 minutes late. However, he was a good worker, really clever, so the owner was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called Steve into the office for a talk.

Fred, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a top class job, but you're being late so often is quite a worry.'

'I'm pleased to hear that, you are a team player. It's odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Royal Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?'

Aircrew of the Month

This next yarn reminds of my former classmate Pete. At school, Pete was always in the top 2/3 in our class, but once he left school, he never could settle in a job. He landed a job as a bus driver, but his denouement came when he took a detour and drove the bus to his home. Pete, got out, went in, left the passengers on the bus, had a cup of tea and drove on half an hour later. When the bus company discovered his antics, his supervisor dismissed him on the spot. The Airline flight attendant in this next tale is going the same way as Pete.

From a Stingem employee....' Welcome aboard Stingem Flight XXX to YYY.' We are pleased to have some of the best pilots in the industry... Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight...!'

Then he progressed to the famous ' Fasten Seatbelt Routine' . What he said was: 'To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.'

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with two or more small children, decide now which one you love the more.

After the plane landed, he said: 'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants'

His final announcement was: 'Thank you for flying Stingem Airlines. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.'

A Strange Story of the Dead Church

A new pastor in Topeka, Kansas, USA, spent the first four days making personal visits to each of his prospective congregation inviting them to come to his inaugural services.

The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon.

In front of the pulpit they saw a closed coffin which was covered in flowers. After the priest had delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.

Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a ' dead church' , all the people eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each 'mourner' peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a guilty, sheepish look.

Boot on the wrong foot

This tale is based on a true story told to Will by a friend [Tessa] who is an nursery schoolteacher in Drayton near Portsmouth; names have been changed to protect the guilty. boots joke

Marlon asked the teacher to help him get his shoes on at the end of a busy day. After quite a struggle with the shoes, which were a little tight, Tessa finally got them on. 'They're on the wrong way round, Miss,' mumbled Marlon.

She realises that he is right; they are on the wrong feet. Staying calm she and swaps them over for him.

Tessa fights hard to keep her cool and asks Marlon why he hadn't told her before. She then kneels down again and helps him pull the shoes off.

'These aren't my shoes, they're my brother's and Mum told me not to tell anyone.'

At this point Tessa can feel tears coming. She helps him back into his shoes. She gets him into his coat and wraps his scarf round his neck.

Funny Really Short Stories