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After Dinner Stories

After Dinner Stories that Amuse Will and Guy

This page is a mini sitemap for after dinner stories that tickle our sense of humour.  We selected each story because it made us laugh, some stories are true, while others are invented, it's fun sifting myth from reality.

Many of these stories are suitable for after-dinner speeches.  I also think that story of 'Six Chicken Bunas' or 'The Supermarket Story' could be the basis of a plot in a sketch, T.V. program or even a short film.

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Oscar Wilde's Wit

A pompous speaker who had a great opinion of himself gave a long after-dinner speech. He then made the mistake of turning to his neighbour on the top table, who happened to be Oscar Wilde, and asked, 'How would you have delivered that speech?' Under an assumed name', came the reply from Oscar Wilde. 

(See more of Oscar Wilde's Wit)

Old Age, I decided, is a gift!Story old age jokes

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante-garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Continues here.....

Funny Supermarket Story

This is how to find your wife, even in the busiest supermarket.  Follow these four point instructions, the technique never fails. 

  1. Have a look around at the shoppers, then walk up to the prettiest girl in the store. 
  2. Say to her, 'Excuse me, can you help me?  I cannot see my wife, and I know that she is here in the supermarket somewhere.  Can you just talk to me for a couple of minutes?'
  3. The pretty girl will ask: 'Why?'
  4. You reply: 'Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materialises out of thin air.'

        Urban Myths

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Short Story

When visiting my wife's home country of England on our honeymoon, we arrived at London's Heathrow Airport. Geraldine headed for the British passport entry queue while I, an Australian, waited in the 'foreigners' queue. When my turn came, the Immigration official asked me the purpose of my visit. 'Pleasure,' I replied. 'I'm on my honeymoon.'

The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other. 'That's very interesting, sir,' he said as he stamped my passport. 'Most men bring their wives with them.'

Can you believe this? Could it only happen in the USA?

A jury of her peers awarded a woman from Austin, Texas $780,000  after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was the woman's own son.

A 19 year old youth from Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbour ran his hand over with a Honda Accord. The young man apparently didn't notice someone was at the wheel of the car whose hubcap he was trying to steal.

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