Saint Patrick's Day Jokes
Saint Patrick's Day Jokes that made Will and Guy Laugh
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Irishman Bogged Down
O'Driscoll was sinking in a bog, near Killarney in County Kerry, and seemed a goner when Big Dermot McCann wandered by.
'Help!' O'Driscoll shouted, 'Oi'm sinkin'!'
'Don't worry,' assured Dermot.
'Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in
Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there.'
Dermot leaned out and grabbed O'Driscoll's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Dermot said to O'Driscoll, 'Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help.'
As Dermot was leaving, O'Driscoll called
'Dermot, Dermot! D'ye think it will help
if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?'
Big Rock
An Irishman, by the name of O'
Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's
Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a
jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't
real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St. Patrick's Day, 'he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'
How to Gain Admittance to the Olympics
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.
While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, 'Johnson, the pole vault, 'and was admitted.
The Scotsman, overhearing this, went
at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, 'McTavish, the hammer.'
He was also admitted.
The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, 'O' Sullivan, fencing.'
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Irish Job Application
Murphy applied for a fermentation operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager. When the results were in, amazingly, both men had only one wrong answer.
The manager went to Murphy and said, 'Thank you for coming to the interview, but We've decided to give the American the job.'
Murphy, 'And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job.'
Manager, 'We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.'
Murphy, 'And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?'
Manager, 'Simple. On question number 7 the American wrote down, 'I don't know.'
You put down, 'Neither do I.'
See more St Patrick's Day jokes and funny Irish stories :
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