Labor Day Jokes and Funny Stories
Labor Day jokes reflect the the mood of this day being a quiet, relaxing holiday, rather than a razzmatazz celebration of 4th of July. However, here are amusing items that Will and Guy have unearthed for this September Holiday.
Daughter (8): Is Aunty Diane having
her baby today?
Daughter (8): Because you said today was Labour Day!
Jimmy Hoffa's Grave
They figured that since Michigan just became a Right-To-Work state, he probably rolled over in his grave.
Labor Day Funny Story - The Elevator
In the week before Labor Day, Eli, a poor country farmer won $480,000 in the Lottery. As a treat he took his wife and their four children to see the Labor Day parade in New York.
They booked into the Sheraton International at the corner of Park Circle and Central Park North. Having never been further than their local town, Benton in Arkansas they were bowled over by glitz and excitement of the "Big Apple".
Eli and his son Clem were especially mesmerised by a shiny box with silver walls. They had never before met with doors that could move apart, and then automatically come back together again. Neither had seen an elevator [lift] before. Therefore, they were amazed when a little old lady entered the shiny box and the door closed. The lights outside on the wall flashed for a minute, then the doors opened and out came a beautiful young woman.
[Funny how one cartoon reminds you of another ...]
Funny Labor Day Cartoon If You Are Staying At Home
Footnote: We are struggling to find good Labor day jokes, so if you find any, please write and lest us know. Meanwhile ....
Classic Labor Day Joke
A Russian cousin arrives in West Sacramento CA
American cousin: How do you say 'Labor Day' in
Finding the Right Job
In honor of Labor Day, here's a first person report of someone who was not quite as successful as he had hoped to be in the job market:
As a young man
In my prime
Later in life
Do Snack Food Preferences Affect Job Choices? Will and Guy Explain
According to a snack food study discovered by Will and Guy: The average American will have three to five careers, 10 to 12 jobs and will hold each job for an average of 3.5 years throughout his or her lifetime. These figures we have collected from the U.S. Department of Labor.
After a positive response to his 1999 study linking snack foods to distinct personality traits, Dr. Hirsch extended his study to reveal that savoury snacks can also help determine an appropriate career. More than 18,000 adult volunteers across thirty-five occupations were surveyed to determine the correlation between their occupation and their favourite snack food.
Chip lovers are ambitious and successful: If you crave potato chips, you should be a lawyer, tennis pro, police officer, CEO; they are competitive and have high expectations, not only of themselves, but of those around them. Competitive in business, sports and social situations.
Pretzels: fire-fighter, journalist, flight attendant, veterinarian or paediatrician. Lively and energetic, those who crave pretzels seek novelty and easily become bored by routine. They make decisions based on intuition and emotion, especially in romantic relationships.
Tortilla Chips: farmer, travel agent, chef, clergy or news reader; they are perfectionists who are also humanitarians. Sticklers for punctuality, you will rarely see a tortilla eater late for an appointment.
Cheese Curls: real estate agent, psychiatrist or producer. Formal, always proper, conscientious and principled, people who crave this have a highly developed sense of integrity and maintain the moral high ground with their family, co-workers and romantic partners. They plan ahead for any possible catastrophe. With elastoplasts and batteries, the cheese curl lover's house is always stocked and ready.
Popcorn: teacher, artist, truck driver, nurse, judge or neurosurgeon. They are self-assured and confident, those who prefer popcorn are best described as "take charge sort of people." A popcorn enthusiast will not hesitate to assume extra work on the job or take on extra duties at social gatherings. Even though they are self-confident, popcorn lovers are modest and humble, and would never be considered show-offs.
Nuts: plumber, architect, sanitation worker, cardiologist or politician. Those who prefer nuts tend to be easygoing, empathic and understanding. When confronted with an emotionally charged situation, they can be counted on to keep calm and not join the fray, allowing time for the emotional upheaval to pass. Their even handed nature makes them well suited for dealing with the public during emergency situations. While nut aficionados may not always be leaders, it is their demeanour and assistance that allows the family or workplace to succeed.
Snack Crackers: stockbroker or professional race car driver. Snack cracker devotees tend to be contemplative and thoughtful, and base their decisions on solid reasoning instead of their emotions. They value their private time and are most creative when allowed to be alone, free from daily responsibilities and interruptions.
Meat Snacks: dentist or bartender. Those who crave a satisfying stick of beef jerky or a mouth-watering bag of pork rinds are the life of the party. Gregarious and social, meant snack lovers are at their best amidst the company of others. They are loyal and true friends who can always be trusted, and will make extraordinary self-sacrifices to please others.
Summary: Do Snack Food Preferences Affect Job Choices?
'A person's job selection reflects his essential essence and his personality,' writes Dr. Hirsch. 'Food choices, selection of clothing, movies and spouses can provide insight into personality and character structure. Thus the typical personality traits associated with savoury snack preferences can be used to help predict occupational choices, because a person's job selection also reflects his essential essence and his personality,' says Dr. Hirsch.
Five Funny, Honest, Thought-provoking and Famous Quotes About Work
Plus one more: Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you're just sitting still? J. Paul Getty
More Classic Labor Day Jokes
The Final Payment
'And what,' Eli asks, 'do you want me to do with your ashes?'
Roland replies, 'Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.
'Well,' replied old Mickey, 'There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied old rancher Mickey.
Labor Day Poem - 'No Work Today'
No work today,
Compared with other celebrations, Labor Day is the quiet day. There maybe a few students using this as an opportunity for a last fling before knuckling down to the Fall term, but for most people, Labor day is just a welcome day off work.
America has celebrated Labor Day on the first Monday in September since the 1882. The original idea was to have a street parade to show off 'The strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations'. When Labor Day was first proposed people worked 12hr days.
Later, Labor day featured speeches by prominent men, it's true to say that these had a mixed reception, compared with the enthusiasm for a day off work. In the 21st century politicians never miss the chance to plug their policies, especially in Presidential election years.
While the first Labor day was originally held on a Tuesday, it was soon realized that the first Monday was a better day for this day of relaxation. Principally because we get a long weekend.
In any given year there is never much doubt about the date for Labor day, because it's always first Monday in September, nevertheless, here are the specific dates. One reason for noting these dates is that the NFL season kicks off on the Thursday following Labor day. This explains why sometimes the games start on the first Thursday in September, while in other years we have to wait for the second Thursday before we see the first grid-iron action of the season.
While not many other countries celebrate Labor Day as such, most nationalities have a public holiday to celebrate the end of summer. For example the UK has a bank holiday on the last Monday in August.
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