Columbus Day Jokes
The second Monday in October celebrates Christopher Columbus discovering America in 1492.
Where did Columbus first land in America?
Columbus was born in Italy in 1451, but he spent most of his life in Portugal and in Spain. It was King Ferdinand of Spain who in 1492 financed his explorations to America in the ships: Santa Maria, Pinta and Nina. Columbus returned to Spain the next year, and later undertook a second expedition to the Caribbean. He died at Valladolid, Spain in 1506.
Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course. Lee Trevino
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. Oscar Wilde
Funny History Exam Answer
During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and that was called the Pilgrim's Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their was hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the setters. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise $5,000,000 for a monument to George W. Bush. The committee originally wanted to put him on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces. We then decided to erect a statue of George in the Washington, DC, Hall of Fame.
We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Richard Nixon, who never told the truth, since George could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Republican of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, decimated the well-being of the majority of the population while he was there, and did it all on someone else's money.
P.S. We have raised $2.75 so far
Following Columbus's discover of America, this engraving depicting the Pilgrims landing.
However, historian criticise the picture on the ground that the costume is more 1800s than 1492. Also, according to contemporary journals the Pilgrims did not meet Indians until several week after the initial landing.
What was the Pilgrim Fathers and Mothers favorite dance?
Looking back approaching 400 years one can see why those first Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for. Their boat, the Mayflower, made it across the Atlantic Ocean. We can only ponder how many perished in similar boats before their success. And indeed we can think of all those boats which have been lost with all hands since. The Pilgrims who landed at Plymouth Rock in 1620 can be grateful that Iroquois Native Americans were not more numerous and more belligerent.
The Pilgrims who sailed on the Mayflower were members of the English Separatist Church (a Puritan sect). They fled from persecution in England and took the opportunity of a better life in America. Puritans negotiated with a London stock company to finance the pilgrimage to America. However, 2/3 of those aboard the Mayflower were not Separatists, they just went along for the adventure and the opportunity.
That first winter on 1620 was severe and by the fall of 1621 almost half of the original 102 settlers had died of hardship. However, the vegetables were new to the Pilgrims and they needed help from the Iroquois Indians to grow crops such as maize and pumpkins. Thanks to the skill of native Indians like Squanto, and good fortune, the harvest of 1621 was bountiful.
Governor William Bradford famously sent 'four men fowling'. They returned with deer, wild ducks and geese. While they probably did not have turkey as we know it, the Pilgrims coined the word 'turkey' as a generic term for any wild fowl. The resulting feast was more like an English harvest festival than a true Thanksgiving observance.
One hunter has two blunderbusses.
Christopher Columbus asks, 'Why do you have two blunderbusses?'
The hunter explains, 'I usually miss the first time I shoot. By taking two I can shoot again.'
Columbus thinks for a while and then says, 'Why not just take the second one, and only shoot once?'
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