Jokes for Cinco de Mayo - May 5th

Cinco de Mayo triviaWhat is Cinco de Mayo?
The May 5th Mexican Celebration

Throughout Mexico and the United States Mexicans celebrate Cinco de Mayo with pride and fervour.  Will and Guy celebrate with humorous snippets.

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Silly, But Funny Jokes For Cinco de Mayo

  • What were the names of the two Mexican fire fighting brothers?  Hose [José] A and Hose B.
  • Why doesn't Mexico have a Olympic team?  Because every Mexican that can run, jump, and swim is already across the border in the USA.
  • Did you hear about the Mexican who threw his wife over a cliff? When the police officer asked him why he'd done it he said, 'Tequila! Tequila!'
  • What kind of cans are there in Mexico?  Mexicans.
  • After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye: Chi Chi Rodriguez

The Mystery Golf GunCinco de Mayo
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.  'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

'A golf gun? What's a golf gun?' 'I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan.'

Funny Cinco de Mayo Stories

The Inexperienced Chili Taster Visits Mexico

Notes from an Inexperienced Chili Tester called Dan, who was visiting Mexico from Texas.  This is how Dan reported his experience:

'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off on Cinco de Mayo.  The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. The other two judges (Native Mexicans) assured me that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.'

Here are the scorecards for the 8 Chili's that were submitted for judging by Jose, Carlos, Fred, Bubba, Linda, Vera, Ana and Lester.

Chili # 1 Jose's Mild Chili

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Crikey, what the hell is this stuff?  You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out.  I hope that's the worst one. These Mexicans are crazy.  Chili taster story continues....

Chili # 2 Carlos's Afterburner Chili

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork.  Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.Chili tasting competition

FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.  Chili taster story continues ...

A Little History for Those Who May Not Know...

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.  In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.... But as we know....the great ship did not make it to New York....The ship hit an iceberg and sank .... and the cargo was forever lost....

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery .... were disconsolate at the loss....

Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day.... The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th.... and is known....of course....as Sinko de Mayo....

Ice Cream Parlour

Manuel Oliveira owned an ice cream shop in Mérida, Venezuela; and he reported that he sold 567 flavours, including onion, chilli, beer, eggplant [aubergine], smoked trout, spaghetti and parmesan, chicken with rice, and spinach.  He said some flavours fail; he once abandoned avocado ice cream, and tossed out 99 pounds of it, because it wasn't smooth enough.

Cinco de Mayo Trivia and Interesting Facts about Mexico Cinco de Mayo trivia

  • The Mexican community celebrates more than 365 festivals each year.  Cinco de Mayo is just one of them.
  • Although Cinco de Mayo is a big celebration in Puebla, where the battle was fought, Cinco de Mayo is much more popular in America. 
  • The festival was 'invented' in America by a group of students back in 1967.  Each year since then Cinco de Mayo gets bigger thanks to people of Mexican descent - and those who just like a good margarita!
  • Did you know Mexico is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world.
  • Around 28.3 million of USA residents were of Mexican origin in 2006. These residents constituted 9% of the nation's total population, and 64% of the Hispanic population.
  • Approximately 630,000 of Mexican-Americans are USA military veterans.
  • The Maya in Central Mexico were the first people known to harvest and use the peanut.
  • Pineapple and papayas grew wild in Mexico, and were introduced to the rest of the world by Spanish explorers.
  • Around the 1860s, three American travellers began exporting resin from the Zapote Blanco tree in Mexico after they noticed that it hardened when exposed to air. The men found a way to turn it into a waxy substance, added flavours and sweeteners, and sold it in small balls for a penny apiece, calling it Adam's Chewing Gum from New York. Today, Americans chew seven times more gum than the rest of the world.
  • Guadalajara, Mexico's second largest city, is where the Mexican Hat Dance, sombreros and mariachi music are believed to have originated.
  • The vanilla bean comes from an orchid plant discovered by Mexican Indians who used it to add flavour to their cocoa and corn drinks. The world's largest crop of vanilla beans still comes from Mexico.
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What is Cinco de Mayo?

On May 5th, 1862 in Puebla, Mexico, 4,000 Mexican soldiers triumphed over twice as many French fighters.  Mexicans celebrate that victorious battle as Cinco de Mayo.

Today, Cinco de Mayo is a joyous holiday celebrated with food, fun, parades, and plenty of cerveza [beer] or tequila. Typically held during the first week of May; Cinco de Mayo springtime events include carnivals, street fairs, and multi-day festivals across the USA. Cinco de Mayo trivia

When Will and his family lived in Mexico, the children would play games on Cinco de Mayo as part of the fiesta to celebrate.  One game involved the filling of a hanging paper bag full of "goodies" [ sweets and candy].  Children were allowed into a circle of their friends and had a small stick to wave around in an attempt to puncture the bag and gain the reward of the "goodies".  Fun was had by all, and there was none of the mocking of the Mexicans which has seen an increase in recent years.

The best and most authentic Cinco de Mayo celebrations occur in locations with the highest concentration of Mexican people.  Similar to St. Patrick's Day for the Irish and Columbus Day in New York state, Cinco de Mayo is one of those special times when everyone feels a little bit Mexican in their soul.

An Alternative Version of Cinco de Mayo History

The 5th of May is not Mexican Independence Day, but it should be!  And Cinco de Mayo is not an American holiday, but it should be.  Mexico declared its independence from mother Spain on midnight, the 15th of September, 1810. And it took 11 years before the first Spanish soldiers were told and forced to leave Mexico.

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 So, why Cinco de Mayo? And why should Americans savor this day as well?  Because 4,000 Mexican soldiers smashed the French and traitor Mexican army of 8,000 at Puebla, Mexico, 100 miles east of Mexico City on the morning of May 5, 1862.

The French had landed in Mexico (along with Spanish and English troops) five months earlier on the pretext of collecting Mexican debts from the newly elected government of democratic President (and Indian) Benito Juarez. The English and Spanish quickly made deals and left. The French, however, had different ideas.

Under Emperor Napoleon III, who detested the United States, the French came to stay. They brought a Hapsburg prince with them to rule the new Mexican empire. His name was Maximilian; his wife, Carolota. Napoleon's French Army had not been defeated in 50 years, and it invaded Mexico with the finest modern equipment and with a newly reconstituted Foreign Legion. The French were not afraid of anyone, especially since the United States was embroiled in its own Civil War.

The French Army left the port of Vera Cruz to attack Mexico City to the west, as the French assumed that the Mexicans would give up should their capital fall to the enemy -- as European countries traditionally did.

Under the command of Texas-born General Zaragosa, (and the cavalry under the command of Colonel Porfirio Diaz, later to be Mexico's president and dictator), the Mexicans awaited. Brightly dressed French Dragoons led the enemy columns. The Mexican Army was less stylish.

General Zaragosa ordered Colonel Diaz to take his cavalry, the best in the world, out to the French flanks. In response, the French did a most stupid thing; they sent their cavalry off to chase Diaz and his men, who proceeded to butcher them. The remaining French infantrymen charged the Mexican defenders through sloppy mud from a thunderstorm and through hundreds of head of stampeding cattle stirred up by Indians armed only with machetes.

When the battle was over, many French were killed or wounded and their cavalry was being chased by Diaz' superb horsemen miles away. The Mexicans had won a great victory that kept Napoleon III from supplying the confederate rebels for another year, allowing the United States to build the greatest army the world had ever seen. This grand army smashed the Confederates at Gettysburg just 14 months after the battle of Puebla, essentially ending the Civil War.

Union forces were then rushed to the Texas/Mexican border under General Phil Sheridan, who made sure that the Mexicans got all the weapons and ammunition they needed to expel the French. American soldiers were discharged with their uniforms and rifles if they promised to join the Mexican Army to fight the French. The American Legion of Honor marched in the Victory Parade in Mexico, City.

It might be a historical stretch to credit the survival of the United States to those brave 4,000 Mexicans who faced an army twice as large in 1862. But who knows?

In gratitude, thousands of Mexicans crossed the border after Pearl Harbor to join the U.S. Armed Forces. As recently as the Persian Gulf War, Mexicans flooded American consulates with phone calls, trying to join up and fight another war for America.

Mexicans, you see, never forget who their friends are, and neither do Americans.  That's why Cinco de Mayo is such a party.  A party that celebrates freedom and liberty. There are two ideals which Mexicans and Americans have fought shoulder to shoulder to protect, ever since the 5th of May, 1862. VIVA! el CINCO DE MAYO!!

 

Footnote:
Thanks to David Sharpe for this Cinco de Maya article.

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See more Saints Days and other special days in spring :

Australia Day   • Texas Independence Day   • Presidents Day   • Groundhog Day

Special Days   • Holi Festival Colours   • St George's Day   • Cinco de Mayo jokes

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