Jokes for Cinco de Mayo - May 5th
Throughout Mexico and the United States Mexicans celebrate Cinco de Mayo with pride and fervour. Will and Guy celebrate with humorous snippets.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun? What's a golf gun?' 'I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan.'
Funny Cinco de Mayo Stories
The Inexperienced Chili Taster Visits Mexico
Notes from an Inexperienced Chili Tester called Dan, who was visiting Mexico from Texas. This is how Dan reported his experience:
'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off on Cinco de Mayo. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. The other two judges (Native Mexicans) assured me that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.'
Here are the scorecards for the 8 Chili's that were submitted for judging by Jose, Carlos, Fred, Bubba, Linda, Vera, Ana and Lester.
Chili # 1 Jose's Mild Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
FRANK: Crikey, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Mexicans are crazy. Chili taster story continues....
Chili # 2 Carlos's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. Chili taster story continues ...
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.... But as we know....the great ship did not make it to New York....The ship hit an iceberg and sank .... and the cargo was forever lost....
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery .... were disconsolate at the loss....
Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day.... The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th.... and is known....of course....as Sinko de Mayo....
Ice Cream Parlour
Manuel Oliveira owned an ice cream shop in Mérida, Venezuela; and he reported that he sold 567 flavours, including onion, chilli, beer, eggplant [aubergine], smoked trout, spaghetti and parmesan, chicken with rice, and spinach. He said some flavours fail; he once abandoned avocado ice cream, and tossed out 99 pounds of it, because it wasn't smooth enough.
On May 5th, 1862 in Puebla, Mexico, 4,000 Mexican soldiers triumphed over twice as many French fighters. Mexicans celebrate that victorious battle as Cinco de Mayo.
Today, Cinco de Mayo is a joyous holiday celebrated with food, fun, parades, and plenty of cerveza [beer] or tequila. Typically held during the first week of May; Cinco de Mayo springtime events include carnivals, street fairs, and multi-day festivals across the USA.
When Will and his family lived in Mexico, the children would play games on Cinco de Mayo as part of the fiesta to celebrate. One game involved the filling of a hanging paper bag full of "goodies" [ sweets and candy]. Children were allowed into a circle of their friends and had a small stick to wave around in an attempt to puncture the bag and gain the reward of the "goodies". Fun was had by all, and there was none of the mocking of the Mexicans which has seen an increase in recent years.
The best and most authentic Cinco de Mayo celebrations occur in locations with the highest concentration of Mexican people. Similar to St. Patrick's Day for the Irish and Columbus Day in New York state, Cinco de Mayo is one of those special times when everyone feels a little bit Mexican in their soul.
An Alternative Version of Cinco de Mayo History
The 5th of May is not Mexican Independence Day, but it should be! And Cinco de Mayo is not an American holiday, but it should be. Mexico declared its independence from mother Spain on midnight, the 15th of September, 1810. And it took 11 years before the first Spanish soldiers were told and forced to leave Mexico.
So, why Cinco de Mayo? And why should Americans savor this day as well? Because 4,000 Mexican soldiers smashed the French and traitor Mexican army of 8,000 at Puebla, Mexico, 100 miles east of Mexico City on the morning of May 5, 1862.
The French had landed in Mexico (along with Spanish and English troops) five months earlier on the pretext of collecting Mexican debts from the newly elected government of democratic President (and Indian) Benito Juarez. The English and Spanish quickly made deals and left. The French, however, had different ideas.
Under Emperor Napoleon III, who detested the United States, the French came to stay. They brought a Hapsburg prince with them to rule the new Mexican empire. His name was Maximilian; his wife, Carolota. Napoleon's French Army had not been defeated in 50 years, and it invaded Mexico with the finest modern equipment and with a newly reconstituted Foreign Legion. The French were not afraid of anyone, especially since the United States was embroiled in its own Civil War.
The French Army left the port of Vera Cruz to attack Mexico City to the west, as the French assumed that the Mexicans would give up should their capital fall to the enemy -- as European countries traditionally did.
Under the command of Texas-born General Zaragosa, (and the cavalry under the command of Colonel Porfirio Diaz, later to be Mexico's president and dictator), the Mexicans awaited. Brightly dressed French Dragoons led the enemy columns. The Mexican Army was less stylish.
General Zaragosa ordered Colonel Diaz to take his cavalry, the best in the world, out to the French flanks. In response, the French did a most stupid thing; they sent their cavalry off to chase Diaz and his men, who proceeded to butcher them. The remaining French infantrymen charged the Mexican defenders through sloppy mud from a thunderstorm and through hundreds of head of stampeding cattle stirred up by Indians armed only with machetes.
When the battle was over, many French were killed or wounded and their cavalry was being chased by Diaz' superb horsemen miles away. The Mexicans had won a great victory that kept Napoleon III from supplying the confederate rebels for another year, allowing the United States to build the greatest army the world had ever seen. This grand army smashed the Confederates at Gettysburg just 14 months after the battle of Puebla, essentially ending the Civil War.
Union forces were then rushed to the Texas/Mexican border under General Phil Sheridan, who made sure that the Mexicans got all the weapons and ammunition they needed to expel the French. American soldiers were discharged with their uniforms and rifles if they promised to join the Mexican Army to fight the French. The American Legion of Honor marched in the Victory Parade in Mexico, City.
It might be a historical stretch to credit the survival of the United States to those brave 4,000 Mexicans who faced an army twice as large in 1862. But who knows?
In gratitude, thousands of Mexicans crossed the border after Pearl Harbor to join the U.S. Armed Forces. As recently as the Persian Gulf War, Mexicans flooded American consulates with phone calls, trying to join up and fight another war for America.
Mexicans, you see, never forget who their friends are, and neither do Americans. That's why Cinco de Mayo is such a party. A party that celebrates freedom and liberty. There are two ideals which Mexicans and Americans have fought shoulder to shoulder to protect, ever since the 5th of May, 1862. VIVA! el CINCO DE MAYO!!
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