The Sisterhood - Funny PowerPoint Presentation
Examples of the Sisterhood Mantra:
1) Body: How would you like to go to the 6 o'clock vigorous toning class?
2) Clear as a bell my body replied thus: 'Listen fatty .... do it and die'.
More Wise Words From 'The Funny Sisterhood'
3) The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
4) My mind not only wanders - it sometimes leaves me completely.
I decided to take an aerobatics class. I bent twisted and gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour.
But by the time I got on my leotard the class was over.
Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tanned woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said:
"THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?"
A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern:
Whales are always surrounded by friends [dolphins, sea lions, curious humans]. They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins, stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale.
We are in an age when the media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, 'Good gosh, look how smart I am!'
Kindly sent in by Maggie Nutt
If you kiss him, you are easy
If you are
well dressed, he says you are vain
If you kiss him once in a while, he says you're too shy
How Being a Mother Can Change Your Life:
When a baby is born into a family it affects every one in that family. However, as you have baby 2 ... then baby 3, the way in which you deal with the child also changes considerably. Read these suggested differences and enjoy a laugh with Will and Guy.
Major Concerns for Being a Parent:
1st baby: At the first sign of upset, the slightest cry you pick up the baby for a cuddle.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her cries threaten to wake your neighbours.
3rd baby: You teach your 2 year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor you put it away until you can go home and disinfect it properly.
2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Sisterhood Jokes - Update
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come, see what's in the fridge and go to bed
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So that men can remember them!
Yo Sister Jokes
The Film: The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood (12A)
The film is set in the American South, starring Sandra Bullock as Siddalee, and Ellen Burstyn as her mom Vivi. It revolves around exposing family secrets. The Ya-Ya Sisterhood are Vivi's friends who try and soothe mother daughter relationships by explaining to Siddalee about her mother's past. They achieve this reconciliation via flash-backs.
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Mother knows, grandmother knows better, sisters know even more ....