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Snails

SnailsSnails

Will and Guy's collection of interesting jokes and stories.

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Snail Jokes

What is a slug?
A snail with a housing problem.

What's the difference between a politician and a snail?
One is slimy, a pest and leaves a trail everywhere, and the other is just a snail.

What did the snail say to his ex wife?
'I'M STILL LEAVING YOU!'

Why did the shy snail drink?
'To come out of his shell!'

Why did the snail cross the road?
I don't know but I'll let you know when it gets here.

I took my new snail buddy home with me today. He took one look at my house and said,
"Wow! I wouldn't want to carry that on my back!"

I bought a racing snail once. He got really slow so I took his shell off….. but that just made him sluggish....

George goes to a Halloween party with a woman on his back.
The host asks him, "What are you, George?"
He answers, "I'm a snail."

The host says, "And who's that on your back?"
George replies, "That's Michelle!" (My shell)

Farmer Jack and the Snail

Farmer Jack hears a knock at his door late one winter's night. He opens his door, looks around, looks down and there, at his doorstep, is a snail. The snail says, "Can I come in, I'm really coooooold?"

Farmer Jack replies, "No, get outta here you stupid snail," and kicks him across the garden.

Spring comes, then summer, then fall and before you know it, it's winter again. Farmer Jack hears a knock on his door. He opens it, looks around and sees that same snail from last year, who asks indignantly, "What did you do that for?"

Escargot

Interesting Snail Facts

  • A snail can live just as long as a dog, perhaps even longer (as long as nobody eats it!). They can live 15 to 20 years.
  • Slime is very useful to them; it protects their soft body from all sorts of damage. A snail can even go over a razor blade without getting hurt!
  • They love damp and dark! They do have eyes at the end of their longer tentacles (not on the bottom short ones) but scientists think they can only distinguish light from dark and not much more. They also use their "eyes" to feel the world around them and check for obstacles (to confirm what they can barely see).
  • They have a great sense of smell, which is how they find their food. The Giant African Land Snail is known to eat more than 500 different types of plants.
  • They can't hear you!
  • They are nocturnal creatures.
  • Snails are very strong and can lift up to 10 times their own body weight in a vertical position.
  • Garden snails (helix apersa) have a top speed of 45 metres per hour, this is about 1.3 cm. per second, although they rarely move more than 25 metres in 24 hours. While they don't move fast, they do move at a very steady pace. The snails are one of the slowest creatures on the entire Earth.
  • Snails hibernate in the winter living on stored fat
  • A snail grows a new spiral every year.
  • The collective name for a group is an Escargatoire, Rout or Walk
  • The largest snail ever found came from Sierra Leone in Africa. It weighed two pounds and was over 15 inches long.

Another Snail Joke

A snail goes into a Cadillac dealership and buys a fast, new car. But when he buys it he has particular instructions for the dealer.
"I want you to give it a paint job" says the snail.

"Sure, what colour do you want?" says the dealer.
"I want you to paint a big red S on the hood, the doors, the roof and the trunk," instructs the snail.

"Sure thing," says the dealer, "but can I ask why?"
The snail looks at him and explains: " So when I go driving up and down the strip all the people watching me say, "Look at that S Car Go!!!!

 

 

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See more funny pictures of animals, also jokes and stories

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