Swine Flu Jokes and Funny Pictures
We appreciate that swine flu is a serious problem and that people who contract the virus may die. However, throughout history, catastrophes have been resolutely faced by using humour. Will and Guy feel that these swine flu "jokes" fit that construct. We hope you agree.
I've just been diagnosed with gammon flu.
Funny Swine Flu Pictures
We have an escaped convict in hiding in the country side near Christchurch, Dorset, England (true story). He has avoided police for over three months. They say he won't catch the swine flu because the pigs can't catch him!
Pigs Unite - More Swine Flu Jokes
The turkeys have bird flu, the cows have mad cow disease.
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Swine Flu Survey
Will and Guy can bring you the results of a recent Swine Flu Survey: 10,000 men were asked, during June 2009, if they would still kiss a beautiful woman if they met her in a bar, even if she had already told them that she had swine flu. Typical male "pig headedness" resulted in some 71% of men stating that a little thing like a potentially fatal virus would not stop them kissing an attractive woman.
More Funny Swine Flu Pictures
Moldova's army is allegedly feeding its soldiers onions and garlic to help them ward off swine flu. Defence Ministry chief doctor Colonel Sergiu Vasislita says about 0.9 ounces (25 grams) of onions and 0.5 ounces (15 grams) of garlic will be added to each soldier's daily diet. That roughly corresponds to a small onion and a couple of garlic cloves.
Onion and garlic are traditional remedies in Moldova where they are widely believed to boost the immune system. Incredible say Will and Guy.
Welsh Whisky Disinfects
Russian soccer fans have been told to drink alcohol when they visit Britain to prevent getting swine flu Will and Guy have learned today.
This strange and rather funny advice comes from the head of the country's supporter association; who is worried about fans catching the illness when they fly to Wales in September 2009 to watch the World Cup qualifying game between the two countries, so he wants them to take extra precautions.
We have been told that Alexander Shprygin said, 'We urge our fans to drink a lot of Welsh whisky as a form of disinfection. That should cure all symptoms of the disease.'
Russia's Health Ministry has issued a public warning against travelling to Britain because of the spread of swine flu but Shprygin said he expected at least several hundred fans would travel to Wales for the September 9th qualifier in the capital, Cardiff.
Will and Guy are fascinated both with the idea that Wales has its own whisky and that soccer fans are being encouraged to drink alcohol. This is the strangest, and most surprising advice about dealing with swine flu to date - unless you know differently!
This Santa Group Demands Swine Flu Vaccine Priority
A group representing Father Christmases: the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas, is calling for Santa Clauses in the USA to be placed on the priority list for swine flu vaccine shots. Members of the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas, including president Nicholas Trolli (bottom centre).
Swine flu has become such a concern for the U.S. Santa organisations that the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas (AORBS) even featured a seminar on the illness at a recent conference in Philadelphia.
In the spring of 2009 the UK government commissioned an advert starring David McCusker. Well, you have guessed it, in August 2009 David has now caught the actual swine flu virus. Naturally, David has received unmerciful ribbing from his mates.
"I was supposed to 'Catch it, Bin it, Kill it', but instead I've been shivering, shaking and spreading it," David said.
In the Department of Health advert David enter a lift and sneezes into his hands. Next the actor is then shown acting more responsibly. As he is about to sneeze a child offers him a tissue, which he uses to cover his mouth and nose. He then disposes of the tissue and washes his hands.
The sneeze scene, which was set up by an effects team took 30 takes to complete.
More Funny Swine Flu Jokes
The Latest "Pig Flu" Movie Titles
Each will star Kevin Bacon!
Any flu virus provides a serious threat, especially to the very old and the very young. While the swine flu is not MORE virulent than previous strains of influenza, our problem is that of May 2009 scientists have not had time to produce a vaccine. As a result the virus can spread more quickly than with 'normal' strains, this is why the swine flu is referred to as pandemic - world-wide.
It is instructive to review the Spanish flu of 1918. In countries such as USA and UK about 25% of the population were INFECTED. Of those infected approximately 3% died. While the percentages are much lower than I would have guessed, nevertheless the flu caused a huge number of actual fatalities, in the USA alone there were 500,000. Naturally these statistics don't take into account the misery suffered by those who survived the virus, both for themselves and caring for sick relatives.
Holiday Tan from Mexico
Been on holiday? Yes, a fortnight in Mexico.
Ode to Tamiflu, by Hugo Houseago
Harry Houseago, 13, a pupil at Alleyn's school in Dulwich, south London, England, which has closed because of swine flu fears, has written a song about Tamiflu, the anti-viral drug issued to all students as a precaution. Here we present his swine flu ode in verse form:
Lying at home in my bed
The doctors gave us some pills
I get to watch the TV
I remember they gave us pills
Laughter truly is the best medicine. Incidentally, it's interesting to look back at the humour spawned by previous disasters, for example 'Bird Flu' and Hurricane Katrina. If you want to back further, then there is the infants playground game, 'Ring a Ring o' Roses' which may be based on a flu outbreak of a previous generation.
Scientist have discovered a cure for bird-flu - We have pictures.
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