Funny Army Pictures of Defence Cuts
Here is our collection of weird military vehicles used for strange purposes.
Tank Corps On Manoeuvres
Army on Manoeuvres
Something out of Dad's army?
Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision. Blake Clark.
Isn't it funny how soldiers look the same the world over. Defence transport cuts mean no money for cars.
In an attempt to save money on shoe leather the anti-terrorist branch of China's army are using Segways
Keith Jennings, U.S. Army welder with Company B, 4th Support Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, shows off a 'chopper-style' bicycle he made with detritus he found around Camp Taji, Iraq.
Korean Army Defence Cuts. NB - no weapons, just the dog and a set of instructions
Volunteering in the Army
Shortly after joining the Army, I was in line with some other inductees when the sergeant stepped forward with that day's assignments. He handed several tasks out and then asked, 'Does anyone here have experience with radio communications?'
A long-time ham radio operator, I shouted, 'I do!'
'Good,' he said. 'You can dig the hole for the new telephone pole.'
In searching the internet for interesting comments on worldwide defence cuts, Will and Guy have unearthed this piece of funny writing about the United Kingdom:
British Armed Forces to be replaced by the 'A-Team'
'We need a leaner, less centralised MoD,' said Defence Secretary Dr Liam Fox, 'and the A-Team are the perfect replacement. We were committed to spending billions on Trident but these guys have already managed to build us an independent nuclear deterrent using a broken lawnmower, two cans of WD40 and a 'thigh master' they found in my garage.'
Dr Fox is understood to have got the idea after seeing an advert in the back of "Guns & Ammo magazine", 'If you have an unsustainable budget deficit, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...The A-Team.'
'We are delighted to be helping the British government tackle their deficit,' said the new head of British Armed forces Lieutenant Colonel John "Hannibal" Smith, adding, 'I love it when a strategic defence review comes together.'
Lieutenant Templeton "Faceman" Peck will handle weapons procurement; the new head of the RAF becomes Air Chief Marshal "Howling Mad" Murdock; meanwhile B.A. Baracus will supply British troops in Afghanistan with essential supplies of milk and Snickers.
To save on costs, the MoD offices in Whitehall will be sold off and replaced by a specially adapted GMC Vandura van with a built in missile launcher that can be sent to trouble spots around the world.
The A-Team have already pledged to resolve the situation in Afghanistan by driving round the country at tremendous speed and blowing everything up. However, unlike previous invasions, they have promised to get things sorted in under an hour (with ad breaks) with miraculously no loss of life.
The team are expected to fly out to Kabul next week, or just as soon as they manage to persuade B.A. Baracus who is currently refusing to budge saying only, 'I ain't getting on no underfunded neo-imperialist campaign, fool. Or Easyjet.'
Shadow Defence Secretary Bob Ainsworth criticised the government. 'These guys are a bunch of mercenary criminals and one of them is certified insane,' he said, 'and the A-Team isn't much better.'
The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for in the UK for the Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. Will and Guy have recorded these, probably untrue, top ten examples for our readers.
The following are amusing top ten examples of excerpts taken from people's "206s":
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great plague of 1666.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Cower" to "Wet Pants." The only two higher levels in France are "Collude" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent re that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
New Zealand has also raised its security levels from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks [the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath], New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is 'Croikey, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us.' In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate." Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!"; "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled." There has never been a situation that has warranted the use of the final escalation level.
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