Wise Words of Wisdom

Will and Guy's Wise Words of Wisdom Wise words of wisdom

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.  Thomas Szasz

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Words of Wise Wisdom

  • One good turn gets the duvet.
  • The early worm gets eaten!
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  • There are two theories to arguing with a woman.  Neither theory works.
  • The second mouse gets the cheese.Mousetrap joke
  • Hotel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
  • Never kick a fresh cowpat on a hot day.
  • Even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
  • When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.  If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  • To cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
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Wise Advice

Always listen to the old professionals, never work with children or animals, and certainly not both at the same gig.

"Every five years or so, I look back on my life
and have a good laugh"
Indigo Girls

"My mother wanted us to understand that
the tragedies of your life one day have
the potential to be comic stories in the next"
Nora Ephron

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh ---
at yourself"
Ethel Barrymore

Never work with children or animals 

Please send in your wise words of wisdom for the above picture.

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Wise QuotesWise Quotes

Here is our collection of wise quotes from the famous.  Every occasion will benefit from at least one of these pearls of wisdom.

I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves. 
Bruce Grocott

People want economy and they will pay any price to get it.
Lee Iacocca

An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.
Henry Ford

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Will Rogers

I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.
John D. RockefellerFunny Wise Words

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. -
Albert Einstein

There are no wise few.  Every aristocracy that has ever existed has behaved, in all essential points, exactly like a small mob.
GK Chesterton

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
Bernard Bailey

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
Mary Wilson Little

Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.
Malcolm Forbes

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.
Baltasar Gracian

Friends are far more dangerous than enemies, they know everything about you and will not pause to use it against you.
Terra Castle

Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought.
Sir William Osler

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
Sir Francis Bacon

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
Eric offer

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.
Abraham Lincoln

See more funny quotations.

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Fools

  • The fool doth think he is wise
    But a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
    Shakespeare (As you like it)
  • Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Pope.
  • A fool walks in with his mouth open and his eyes shut.
  • The fool chews chaff, while the cunning eat bread.
  • Every fool has a goose that lays a golden egg - tomorrow.
  • Silence is the virtue of fools.  Sir Francis Bacon.
  • Never argue with a fool, people may not know the difference.
  • There is no cure for a fool.

Wise Words

Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences.
Norman Cousins

Patience is the companion of wisdom.
St. Augustine

I prefer the errors of enthusiasm to the indifference of wisdom.
Anatole France

Failure teaches success.
Japanese saying

Funny Wise Words

  1. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
  2. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  3. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  4. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  5. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  6. Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
  7. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  8. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  9. I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
  10. I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.
  11. Is atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
  12. If the plural of foot is feet, shouldn't the singular of sheep be shoop.

Will and Guy's Favourite, Wise Words of Wisdom

  1. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  2. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
  3. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
  4. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
  5. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
  6. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
  7. If you dig a hole for someone else, you'll fall into it. - Hungarian proverb
  8. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
  9. You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.
  10. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

Footnote:
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