A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said,
'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and
the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table.
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious
and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared
to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were
strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of
stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms,
they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered
at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as
the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the
holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled
spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and
The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'
'It is simple,' said the Lord. 'It requires but one skill. You see they
have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
Who tastes dog food when it has a 'new & improved'
Why are they called apartments when they are all
When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't
it follow that electricians can be delighted and musicians denoted? How
about deranged cowboys, debarked tree surgeons, and
depressed dry cleaners?
Food for Thought If you ate pasta and
then antipasti, would you still be as hungry as when you started?
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
'How old are
I'm four and a half!'
you're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's
You get into your teens, now they can't
hold you back. You jump to the next number,
or even a few ahead.
'How old are you?'
I'm gonna be 16!'
You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your
life ... You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony ...
YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's
no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's
all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50.
And your dreams are gone.
You MAKE it to 60. You didn't
think you would.
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's
a day-by-day thing; you
You get into your 80's
and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't
end there. Into the 90's, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.'
I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.