telephone is an amazing invention but who would want to use one of them?'
American President, Rutherford Hayes 1876.
electric light bulb is good enough for our transatlantic friends, but unworthy
of practical of scientific or practical men'. British Parliamentary society set up to investigate electric lighting in 1878.
'X-rays are a hoax'.
Lord Kelvin, president of the Royal Society in 1900.
It seems that the more successful a politician becomes, the more funny
political jokes that they attract. Thus for many up and coming stars,
being the butt of a political joke is a cross between a badge of honour and rite
'The House of Commons is the longest running farce in the West End.'
Cyril Smith [Former UK Member of Parliament]
'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country'.
Marion Barry [Mayor Washington, DC]
This joke could be heard back in the 1960s in Moscow, USSR.
What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?
Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man Socialism is the exact opposite.
make jokes. I just watch the government and report the
Will Rogers [Comedian, social commentator, vaudeville actor]
Barack Obama is the USA's 44th President, but there actually have only
been 43 presidents: Cleveland was elected for two non-consecutive terms and
is counted twice, as the 22nd and 24th president.
Gerald R Ford (1913-2006), 38th President of the USA, is the only US
President who was never elected as either President or Vice President.
Eight Presidents were born British subjects: Washington, J. Adams,
Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, J. Q. Adams, Jackson, and W. Harrison.
The tallest president was Lincoln at 6' 4", at 5' 4", Madison was the
The term "First Lady" was used first in 1849 when President Zachary
Taylor called Dolley Madison "First Lady" at her state funeral. It gained
popularity in 1877 when used in reference to Lucy Ware Webb Hayes. Most
First Ladies, including Jackie Kennedy, are said to have hated the label.
Famous Presidential Quote
Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your
John F. Kennedy - January 20th 1961. Presidential Inaugural Address.
We hang petty thieves and appoint the great thieves to public
office. Aesop, Greek slave & fable author.
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being
governed by those who are dumber. Plato, ancient Greek
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm
beginning to believe it. Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow for the
Defense' by Irving Stone.
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the
tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. John Quinton,
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and
campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the
other. Oscar Ameringer, "the Mark Twain of American Socialism."
I offered my opponents a deal: "if they stop telling lies about me,
I will stop telling the truth about them". Adlai Stevenson,
campaign speech, 1952.
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his
country. Texas Guinan. 19th century American businessman.
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter
to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle, French general &
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be
better to change the locks. Doug Larson (English middle-distance
runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris
The Vicar spoke to his curate. "I'm going away today, but I'll be back on
Saturday evening in time to conduct matins on Sunday morning. Will you make
sure the hymn numbers are put up on Saturday afternoon so that everything is
ready when the service begins? They're all written on this piece of
paper apart from the first hymn."
"Yes, certainly Vicar, but what are you doing about the first hymn?"
asked the curate.
"It depends", said the Vicar. "It's Polling Day for the General Election
on Thursday. The first hymn will depend on the result. If the
Conservatives have a sufficient majority to form a government, it'll be 283,
"Now thank we all our God. However, if Labour has most seats and are going
to form the next government, then put up number 578, "Go labour on, spend
and be spent."
"Yes, right", said the curate. I'll see you on Sunday morning.
"Oh, there's just one thing," said the curate. Suppose the Liberal
Democrats have the majority, what number would you want me to put up in that
"Oh, in that circumstance, it'll be 482, "God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform."
Did anyone tell you about the day when Lord Peter Mandelson was visiting
a primary school in England, and was taken into the room of a class
discussing words and their meanings. The teacher asked Lord Mandelson
whether he would care to lead a discussion on the word "Tragedy", so he
asked the class to give him an example.
A little boy stood up, and said, "If my best friend, who lives on a farm,
was playing in the field, and a tractor ran over him, and killed him, that
would be a tragedy".
"No," said Lord Mandelson, 'that wouldn't be a tragedy: that would be an
accident". A little girl raised her hand: "If the school bus had fifty
boys and girls in it, and it drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside,
that would be a tragedy".
"I'm afraid not," explained Lord Mandelson; "That is what we would call a
great loss." The room went silent. No child volunteered.
Lord Mandelson's eyes searched the room. "Can no one here give me an
example of a tragedy?"
At the back of the room, a little hand went up, and a quiet voice said,
"If a plane carrying you and Mr Brown was struck by friendly fire and blown
to smithereens, that would be a tragedy".
"Magnificent!" exclaimed Lord Mandelson, "That's right! And can you tell
me why that would be tragedy?" "Well," said the quiet voice, "It has to
be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably
wouldn't be an accident." Kindly send in by Les.
Gordon Brown is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious he runs over to the child and says, 'What's
in the box sonny?'
To which the
little boy says, 'Kittens, They're brand new kittens.'
Gordon Brown laughs and says, 'What kind of kittens are they? 'Socialists', the child says.
lovely, 'Gordon smiles
and he runs off.
A couple of days later Gordon is running with his colleague Tony Blair and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead. Gordon says to Tony, 'Watch this.'
and they both jog over to
the boy with the box.
Gordon says, 'Look in the box Tony, isn't
that cute? Look at those little kittens. Och aye laddie, tell my friend Tony what kind of kittens they are.'
The boy replies, 'They're
Gordon says, 'I jogged by here the other day and you said they were Socialists. What's
changed? 'Well, 'the lad says, 'Their eyes are open now.'
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