Milkman Jokes - Real Notes Sent to Milkmen

Will's Milkman Jokes - Authentic Notes

Will's Milkmen Jokes.  These notes were left in milk bottles:

• Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.
• Dear milkman I've just had a baby, please leave another one.
• Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.
• Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.
• Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.
• Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.
• Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.
• Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.
• Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.
• Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.
• When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.
• Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea.

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More examples of Milkman jokes - notes left in milk bottles

Will and Guy lament the demise of the milkman; it seems now that everyone get their milk from the supermarket, thus fewer and fewer milk floats and milkmen.  Inevitably this means that source of fresh milkman jokes is drying up fast.   Meanwhile, enjoy these funny notes left for the milkman:

• My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle?
• Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.
• From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk.
• Cancel one pint after the day after today.
• My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.
• Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.
• When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don't leave any milk.
• No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.

P.S. Please send us your funny milkman jokes and notes

The World's Fastest Milk Float

A 'souped-up' milk float is to be used in an attempt to smash a land speed record to become the fastest milk float in the west. The ''Electric Blue'' has been specially adapted with an extra motor fitted, it has a fin on its roof, to combat turbulence, and has its suspension lowered for the attempt. And owner Kevin Bourne hopes to beat the current record of 71.4mph next year, reports the Metro newspaper.

'Everyone has a stock impression of milk floats travelling at 10mph, so you don't expect to see one accelerate to 80mph,'commented Mr Bourne.

This vehicle has been on display at the Museum of Science and Industry in Manchester, UK.

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