Husband Michael Attends Birth
Will and Guy's Humour - Strange But True Stories
The modern trend is for fathers to attend the birth of their children. One busy hospital in central England has a special room for expectant fathers. Whilst the average gestation period for human babies is 9 months, there is almost as much variation for time babies stay in the womb as there is for the weight of the newborn. Consequently, the father's room can get quite crowded with a mixture of fathers attending premature births, and those whose babies stubbornly refuse to enter this world on time.
The scene is set. In the father's room are 8 expectant fathers, my friend is called Michael, he sees one or two fathers called in, but he has to wait. When eventually Michael is called in to see his wife Janet, she is in a distressed state. What had upset Janet was not the labour but the fact that 10 minutes previously, the Doctor called in the wrong Michael. That Michael was not her husband.
Can you imagine their mutual horror? There is Janet in the birthing position, being confronted by a man who is not her husband. If anything it was even more traumatic for the 'wrong Michael'. Apparently the encounter affected him so badly that he fainted and had to be taken on a trolley to the accident and emergency department. Sadly as a result, he missed the birth of his own baby.
When the dust had settled, Janet and baby were fine. The 'right Michael' was thrilled to be the proud father. However, he later confided in me, 'Guy, at work, now they have something else to snigger about, I am fed up of them teasing me about my name'. Mike Stand.
Off the record, one of the nurses said that the 'Wrong Michael' had been a great help in distracting Janet and that they were considering employing a 'Wrong Michael' to induce reluctant babies.
When I was at college a good friend, named Shaun, was notorious for not contacting home from one week to another. All his time was taken up with studying, drinking and sleeping. Then one day he received the following letter:
Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger back then and more impressionable.
Trevor was bragging in the pub about his eldest son and telling anybody willing to listen just how perfect he was. 'He doesn't smoke, he doesn't drink alcohol and he never comes home late,' intoned the proud Trevor.
'How old is this paragon of virtue?' inquired Frank who was at the bar. 'Oh, he will be six months old next Tuesday,' rejoined Trevor.
Eddie and his wife June are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Heineken and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks June.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks Eddie.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Heineken and it's half the price.'
Eddie never knew what hit him.
The next thing he heard on the supermarket PA system was: 'Cleanup on aisle 19, we have a husband down.'
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