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Funny Airline Cabin Crew Announcements

Funny Airline Cabin Crew AnnouncementsFunny Airline Cabin Crew Announcements 
Kindly Researched by Alicia Moss

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight 'safety lecture' a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples of funny airline cabin crew announcements:

1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!'

2. On a Continental Flight with a very 'senior' flight attendant crew, the pilot said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.'

3. On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.

4. 'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane'Airline Cabin Crew Announcements

5. 'Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.'

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella. WHOA!'

7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight a announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.'

8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: 'Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.'

9. 'In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.'

10. 'Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.'

11. 'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'

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Footnote:
Please write to Will and Guy with your Funny Airline Cabin Crew Announcements. For Example:

1) Daniel England wrote: 
I have an addition to your plane announcements. I was once flying into Singapore when the pilot came on, very calmly, and said:
'Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an announcement. We are about to land in Singapore. If you have any drugs, you will be executed.  Thank you.'

And that was it.

 Δ

2) Kurt H. wrote:
I was flying Southwest Airlines one day back in August and the flight attendant was giving the safety speech and said, "The button over your head with the picture of a light bulb on it turns on your light, the button with the picture of the flight attendant does NOT turn on your flight attendant so DON'T PUSH IT!"

3) Brian Webb wrote
On an Easy Jet flight landing at Gatwick.
'Ladies and Gentlemen, for those who have just woken up, 'Welcome to Hong Kong'

Aircrew Layover

A flight engineer on his first month flying the line was persuaded that all the stories he heard about pilots and stewardesses were true and that the term layover really meant what he thought it meant.

Returning from one layover he heard the captain tell the first officer: "Wow! That Mary is some girl! I was in my bedroom when the phone rang. It was Mary who said she couldn't open her suitcase and could I help? So I went down, opened the suitcase and she handed me a drink. Then she excused herself and went to the bathroom. When she came out she hadn't a stitch on. What a night!"

A few days later the same crew repeated the flight sequence and on the return the engineer overheard the first officer telling the captain: "You were quite right about Mary. It happened to me last night" He proceeded to recite the same sequence of events.

The engineer was intrigued and excited by all this and when the same crew repeated the flight sequence he was delighted when the telephone rang and a voice said:"Oh, I can't get my suitcase open. Would you be kind enough to come to my room to help me?"

It was Mary and the engineer beat the world record for sprint to her room. In no time at all he had the case open and the grateful Mary handed him a Scotch. She then excused herself and went into the bathroom. The engineer was not the sort of man to waste time. He immediately undressed and got into bed. Sure enough, about ten minutes later the bathroom door opened and Mary came out.

She was fully clothed and followed by the rest of the crew.

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Funny Airline Cabin Crew Announcement

Whatever goes on behind closed doors is a mystery to many but fun for fellow pilots. One airline captain was never good at making passengers feel at ease. One example is of the time that an airliner in front of him blew a tire during the landing, scattering chunks of rubber over the entire runway. He was asked to hold while the trucks came out to clean the runway. His announcement:

Ladies and gentleman. I'm afraid there will be a short delay before our arrival. They've closed down the airport while they clean up what's left of the last airplane that landed there.

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