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Clean Jokes for Wednesday

Will and Guy's Wednesday Jokes

A probable Anglo-Saxon derivation of Wednesday is (W)Odin's day.  Meanwhile, the Romans named this day after the god Mercury and you can see this in the French for Wednesday, Mercredi.

Clean Jokes for Wednesday

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Famous Wednesdays

  • Sheffield Wednesday (English soccer team)
  • Ash Wednesday (1st Day of Lent)
  • Wednesday Addams  (Addams Family T.V. Programme)
  • Orange Wednesdays iPhone

Funny, Droll and Quirky Jokes for WednesdayGeorge and dragon joke

George And THE Dragon

A couple of hikers were tramping through the countryside and had lost their way, so by the time they arrived at the "George and Dragon", the village pub where they'd arranged to stay the night, the doors were locked and the owners had gone to bed.

They knocked timidly on the front door and a head appeared at an upstairs window and shouted fiercely, 'Go away. Don't you know what time it is? We're closed,' and the window slammed shut.

Undeterred, the hikers knocked again.

'What is it now?' demanded the head.

'Could we speak to George this time please?' asked on the hikers.

History Lesson

Villager: It was 'ere that Catherine of Aragon was bitten by a mad dog.

Tourist: Tudor?

Villager: Yes, chewed 'er something 'orrible it did.

If two is company and three is a crowd, what are four and five?
Nine.

Mad as a Hatter

Nick was walking down the street and he met a small boy. Nick asked the lad his name.
The boy replied, 'Six and seven-eighths.'

Nick asked him why his parents had given him such a strange name.
The youngster answered, 'They just picked it out of a hat.'

Birthday Boy

A man goes into a fish'n chip shop with a salmon under his arm and asks, 'Do you sell fish cakes here?'

'No,' came the reply.

'Shame, it's his birthday.'

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Guy's Funny Favourite Wednesday JokeSunday Jokes

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, 'Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?'

The third fellow says, 'I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.'

The first two guys were amazed. 'What happened then?' they asked.

She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'

Wednesday's child is full of woe.

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Will's Funny Favourite Wednesday Joke Overconsumption

The bartender asks Mike who is sitting at the bar, 'What'll you have?'

Mike answers, 'A scotch, please.'

The bartender hands him the drink, and says, 'That'll be five dollars,' to which Mike replies, 'What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this.'

Iain, a lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, 'You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.'

The bartender was not impressed, but says to Mike, 'Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again.'

The next day, Mike again walks into the bar. The bartender says, 'What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back.'

Mike says, 'What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life.'

The bartender splutters, 'I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.'

To which the Mike replies, 'Thank you. Make it a scotch.'

Sample of clean jokes: Only in AmericaFunny Story Cigar

A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.

There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.

In 75% of households, women manage the money and pay the bills.

Out of The Mouths............:

Mother: 'Why are you home from school so early?' Son: 'I was the only one who could answer a question.'

Mother: 'Oh, really? What was the question?' Son: 'Who threw the blackboard duster at the teacher?'

Pay Rise

One Wednesday Martin demanded of his boss, 'I must have a pay rise. You should realise there are three other companies after me.'

'Really?' replied Martin's boss,' And who might these companies be?'

'Southern Electricity, British Gas and British Telecom,' answered Martin.

Chicken Saga

One Wednesday, a husband took his wife to the doctor.

'Oh, doctor', he said, 'my wife thinks she's a chicken. 'The doctor gasped, 'That's terrible. How long has she been like that?  The husband replied, 'Three years.' The doctor was horrified, 'Three years! Why didn't you bring her to me sooner?'

The husband said sheepishly, 'Because we needed the eggs.'

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Marriage Advice

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?'  She said, 'In the lake.' (Henny Youngman)

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)

Irrelevant Facts for a slack Wednesday

  • Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
  • Sherlock Holmes never said 'Elementary, my dear Watson'.
  • The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
  • The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
  • Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them. Not to mention the other drawback to passing gas in such a confined space..................
  • Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

The Two Ushers

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. 'You're not supposed to talk out loud in church.'  'Why? Who's going to stop me?' Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, 'See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers.'

 

Footnote:
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