Short Jokes for Friday

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Will and Guy's Jokes for Friday

Friday's child is loving and giving. 
Odin's wife was called Frigg (Freya).  If you accept the Norse origins of the other days, then Fri day becomes a realistic derivation.  Interestingly, the Romans also saw this day as female, as they named it after their goddess Venus.  This Latin root remains in the French for Friday, Vendredi.  Start with this story that Frigg would have told.

Short Jokes for Friday

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Will and Guy's Selection for Friday

Friday is a special day.  The end of the week is approaching, Friday is a day to tie up loose ends, a day to dream of the delights of the weekend.  Will and Guy have selected short jokes for Friday.

Only in America - Crazy Awards

A man from Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500  and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard, as was the man. The award was less than sought because the jury felt that the man who, at the time, was shooting the animal repeatedly with a pellet gun might have provoked the dog.

Murphy's Law

What can go wrong, will go wrong, especially on a Friday

Albert Einstein, 1879 - 1955

'Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.'

'Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.'

Beware Dangers of Foggy Weather - Loser of the Week

Losers of this week are: Two motorists had an all too literal head on collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh, Germany. Each was guiding his car at a snail's pace near the middle of the road because of the thick fog. At the moment of impact their heads were both out of the windows when they smacked together. Both men were hospitalised with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't damaged at all and didn't have a mark on them.

Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)'

'I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.'

Signs - Classic Short Joke

At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.  IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Wise Words

'If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush.'

- Infantry Journal

Keep to the straight and narrow

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. they're trained for that.

These are real requests fielded by an American travel agent.

®

Confessions of US Congress Travel Agent

Bad Hair Day?
A New Hampshire Congresswoman asked me to book her an aisle seat on the airplane.  She did not want her hair to get messed up by being near the window.

Murphy's Law of DIY (Do-It-Yourself )

Any project will require at least two journeys to the hardware shop.

If you need more than one item (pair, four, etc) the probability that one will be damaged or the wrong colour is directly proportional to the desire or need of the object.

You always need more paint.

You never have enough nails, screws or glue.

The likelihood that you will complete a weekend project before the end of the weekend decreases with when you actually start the project.

Therefore: Any plumbing project started after 4pm on Sunday will require an emergency call to the plumber to get the water running again.

To estimate the amount of time needed to complete a project: estimate the amount of time needed, multiply by two and use the next highest unit. Hence: A one hour task will take at least two days to complete.

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