These are longer yarns suitable for telling around a campfire.
Best Use of a Pumpkin Patch
John, a city slicker from Boston, bought a pumpkin patch. He
thought that he could make more money from chickens than the previous owner
made from pumpkins, so he went to a poultry farm and bought 50 chickens.
'50 is a lot of chickens for that little pumpkin patch,' commented the
proprietor. 'I am used to big business' John replied.'
A week later John was back at the farm. 'I need another 50 chickens,' he
said. 'Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming,' the poultry farmer
'Oh yes,' John replied. 'It' will be Ok if I can just iron out a few
problems.' 'Problems?', asked the farmer. 'Yeah,' replied the John, 'I
think I planted that first batch too close together.'
How to Grow Pumpkins
Farmer Smith was driving his tractor along the road with a trailer load
of fertilizer. Alex a little boy of nine was playing ball in his yard;
he saw the farmer and asked:
'What've you got in your trailer?' 'Manure,' farmer Smith replied.
'What are you going to do with it?' asked Alex. 'Put it on my pumpkins,' answered the farmer.
Alex replied, 'You ought to
come and eat with us, we put ice-cream on our pumpkin pie.'
Footnote to joke tellers: The above joke works even
better if you use 'Raspberries', or 'Strawberries' instead of 'pumpkins' and
Pumpkin pie, if rightly made, is a thing of beauty and a joy - while it
I would rather sit on a pumpkin, and have it all to myself, than be
crowded on a velvet cushion - Henry David Thoreau
My favourite word is "pumpkin." You are a pumpkin. Or you are not. I am.
- Harrison E. Salisbury
To dream of pumpkins is a very bad omen.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy,
throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how
stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at
I will keep moving forward, forever forward, towards and endless dream,
and a thousand pumpkin lights. - Former President George Bush
I don't know about you but my family would stage a mutiny if I didn't
have a pumpkin pie for dessert at Thanksgiving.
Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken
or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon.
Homer Simpson gets into the pumpkin business. 'This year I invested in
pumpkins. They've been going up the whole month of October and I got a
feeling they're going to peak right around January.' ...DOH.
We bought a pumpkin big and round that lived the summer through without an eye to look at things ... and now it looks through two.
It used to be all dark inside when growing on the vine, but now it
has a toothy smile and face that's full of shine.
- Aileen Fisher
Mrs Jones was proud of her pumpkin patch, so she was real disappointed
when some of the the local kids were taking them to make Jack-o-Lanterns.
One evening while Mrs Jones was soaking in the bath, the answer to the
pumpkin thefts came to her. After supper she went out and put up a
sign: 'Beware, one of these pumpkins is coated with a special
colourless rat poison!'
A day or two later when Mrs Jones checked out her pumpkin patch she was
pleased to see that no more had been stolen. Then she saw a second
sign next to hers which said: 'NOW THERE ARE TWO!!'
Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Men?
If you don't like the way your
pumpkin looks, you can just carve another face. (Boo say Will and Guy)
or From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty head. (Boo say Will
and Guy again)
Footnote: Please send us your favourite pumpkin jokes
Doctor, doctor, I'm so ugly. What can I do about it?
out for Halloween parties.
What do you say to a fishermen say on Halloween?
Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on his
shoulder? It was for time for 'tick or tweet'!
Pumpkin Ghost Rider
based on 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow'
'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow' (1820) has spawned generations of headless
horseman with pumpkins at Halloween. As you can imagine from the above
picture, the story tells of a suitor being killed by a headless horseman.