The caller said, "hello. My train doesn't work." I said, "excuse me?"
"My model train. It's stopped working." "This is the Helpdesk for
telephones," I said. "I think you've got the wrong number." "Oh no, it's
the right number. You see I've been using your phone as a remote control to
move my trains round the tracks and it worked fine until yesterday!"
I had to answer him with a straight face. I said, "I'm sorry sir but we
do not receive training in how to power model trains with DECT* phones so
I'm afraid I can't help you there."
* DECT is brand of phone used in Europe. Thanks to Shelley Hall for
1) Customer: 'My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document, so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn't
2) Advisor: 'Press any key to continue. Customer: I can't find the 'Any' key.
3) Great Vision 3a) Tech Support: 'Ok, in the bottom left of the screen, can you see the '
button displayed?' Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
3b) Advisor: Can you click on 'My Computer'? Customer: I don't have your computer, just mine.
3c) Advisor: You have Spyware on your machine which is causing the problem.
Customer: Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?
3d) Customer: My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but they can't see me. Advisor: What brand is
your webcam? Customer: What's a webcam?
4) No Saving Grace Customer: 'All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!'
Tech Support: 'Do you remember what directory you
first saved them in?'
Customer: 'No, I don't
. I just know it was on my C: drive.'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I'll walk you through how to find the files.'
Customer: 'I wouldn't
think I would be losing
files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.'
5) Tricky Install Customer: 'Do I need a computer to use your software?'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?' Customer: 'Yes.'
Tech Support: 'All right, can you
insert the disk in the disk drive please?'
Tech Support: 'Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.'
Customer: 'Will I have to have my computer delivered before
we can do this'
Tech Support: 'Um yes, that might be an idea.'
6) Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.' Advisor: 'I will remove them for you.' Customer: 'How do I get them back when
she is not in?'
7) Tech Support: 'Have you made backups of
your software and data?'
Customer: 'I didn't
know it had a reverse.'
My iPod will only play one song. Advisor: Which other tracks have you downloaded from iTunes? Customer: Do I need to download tracks?
My mouse mat isn't wired up. Advisor: I'm not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn't have any wires. Customer: Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?
10) Customer: How do I change channel on my
monitor? Advisor: Your monitor won't have channels like a TV. Customer: But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel.
Earl hasn't had much luck getting his computer fixed by calling tech
support. But he has picked up Hindi as a second language.
Footnote: P.S. Please send us your favourite Tech
Support Joke - like these sent by readers:
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build
bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce
bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. Rick
A co-worker was trying to get an obviously novice user to press the
space bar. "Yes, press the space bar. The big key at the bottom of the
keyboard." After a pause the client replied "young man, there's nothing
on the BOTTOM of this keyboard!" Dean Chamberlain