Sayings - Researched by Alan Turnham
There are at least two famous people called Steve Wright.
Alan Turnham has unearthed quotes by the American Comedian, (not the British Radio 2 Presenter) To get the most from these one-liners, you have to imagine Steve's
American Comedian born 1955
phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
I have a map of the world at home. Full size, I spent last summer folding it.
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are cigarettes sold in petrol
stations when smoking is prohibited there?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
How did a fool and his money get together?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
another word for thesaurus?
Why do they call
it a TV set when you only get one?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the
snowplough get to work in the mornings?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's
called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's
If corn oil comes from corn, where
does baby oil come from?
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Another Tranche of Steve Wright Humor
I woke up one morning and all of my stuff
had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't
expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't
repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Do you think that when they asked George
Washington for his ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
If all the
world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't
shoot at them?
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't
the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't
everyone just move 10 miles away?
And whose cruel
idea was it for the word 'Lisp'
to have a 'S'